me.myself.i

2008-03-31T18:41:00.003+08:00

byee blogspot!
moved to wordpress.

2008-03-31T15:39:00.002+08:00

physics lecture in progress..

and i have a sudden urge to blog.

the weekend passed so quickly and poof, its a monday again.
i usually suffer from monday blues but today im too tired to feel anything.

saturday was supposed to be spent mugging my ass off.
so i met up with hedi to study after a random conversion on msn.
got chased out of the cafe during dinner time and headed to my house to continue studying.
because of my cock phone, i thought i made mike angry. so to make up for it, i dropped my math tuts and went to meet him to watch movie. headed home with mummy and continued with my work all the way till 430am to go qing ming with my family.

we left house at 5am, and reached home at 12pm. 3 hrs of it were spent in the jam. i was so damn tired after that but i cannot sleep cause i ate too full for lunch. how dumb was that? so i continued mugging but nothing was going into my small little puney brain... ... my dearest came over to comfort me before dinner and he met daddy. daddy acknowledge him with a "mm". i guess thats a good start compared to raymond.(: daddy took my cock phone away again and left me with a lao cockcock phone. heee and mike gave me his phone to use for this time being so i dont have to carry a lao cockcock phone. (: after dinner with mike's family we headed back hall and im back to my mugging routine. i see how boring my life is now.

anyways, i guess i still screwed up today's quiz. sobs sobs. cause some mo ren suppose to meet me at 930am to study for my quiz and ended up reaching at 1010am. after 20mins of breakfast,we even ended up late for the quiz la.buay tahan! and computing lectures are getting more and more un-understandable. i want to die lo. after two lectures, i ended up playing SUPERCOW and hedi cannot take her eyes off her msn convo. hence, she brought in her laptop for our physics lecture and tempt me to blog. she's like how irritating CAN? haha.

i've learnt alot about us this weekend. ironically, im really glad we went through these ups and downs. roomie says all these lessons learnt will bring us further in the future. oh ya, and she even added brownie points for mike. how rare is that?! but anyways, thank you my dearest for being so understanding and being there. although you express it differently from what i expected from you, i know i can count on you to be my pillar of support. (: i'm so excited for wednesday.and i promise i will mug extra hard today and tml for more time in exchange. heeee

okayyy. hedi's msn wouldnt stop blinking at me.gotta give her back her laptop.

physics lecture still in progress...

2008-03-30T01:41:00.002+08:00

whyy cant anything be pleasing?

why is it so hard?

im sorry.

2008-03-28T12:00:00.002+08:00

band prac last night was good. meeting seniors and the many generations of QM before and after me. wah! time really flies. and i suddenly so miss school. the feeling of playing the clarinet again was extraordinary. i didnt think i would miss it so much. it wasnt just about playing music again, it was the company as well.as much as i wish MARY SPICE can come together again,its kinda tough la.so anyways, we had SIA along with liyun last night. practice was as usual fun and full of laughters.i cannot stop laughing with ally sitting beside me man. oh yes, and yolanda came back to visit. she's like a NUM guy now.anyhows, we are playing abba gold and this percussion ensemble - technology. and im going to be part of the percussion ensemble! LIKE HOW COOL IS THAT?! band pracs can be so much fun but travelling is like how dreadful can! from boonlay to kovan and back again. i spend 4hrs a day travelling la. i just cant wait for emmanuel! cant wait to be under Sir's baton again! (:

anyhows the new school compound is cool. its like so huge! the old shalom block which used to be 2 storeys high is now 4 storeys high. okayy.i sound like some mountain turtle now. but i dont like the toilets now. they no longer have the large mural inside,they cut it up into small murals. its no longer pretty. thats so far the only places ive explored.

it feels weird to have a unknown new teacher for the band. miss yeo and mrs wong are like all-time favourite and where have they disappeared to?

okayyys back to computing lectures.

2008-03-24T16:49:00.002+08:00

bloggie dearest, i am like how shagged today. i guess elsa was right to say that i will burn out soon. and little did i expect the soon to be so soon. i still have a month to go till the end of exams. arghhhh!

location now: lee wee nam library.
purpose: complete effective com assignments

but i am like super lost now. my mind is like totally blank.

i guess i lost my momentum over the weekend. outing on good friday and spop on sunday. too much fun is bad for me.

i wonder whyy i lack the ability to multitask sometimes.

many times i worry. many times i am too paranoid. many times i am insensitive towards you. many times i am too sensitive. many times i dont know how to tell you how i really feel. many times i choose to let it go. many times i choose to brush it away.

these many times are the causes of many problems.

and the world is so gawd damn small.

2008-03-18T18:47:00.002+08:00

computing lectures are such good lullabies.
i feel so drowsy that i need something to distract myself.

ive been eating cheesecake for 2 days.
shit man. i see my tummy growing.
i need to stop eating so muchh!!

my boy had a nightmare last night.
he dreamt that i left him (and so he says)
i wonder whyyy.

anyways, things havent been the same.
no more showers together.no more laundry together.no more pillow talks.
i miss my roomie so much.

okayys.back to computing lectures.
north spine is my new home.
cheers!

2008-03-12T09:45:00.003+08:00

bloody hell. i have no fcuking idea what in the world my tutor is talking about.
to think i used to think that computing is fun.
i change my mind.

online shopping.facebook.emails have became my computing tutorials these days.
i dont know how in the world am i going to pass this module man.

a fullstop to my office term.
appreciation nite is over and im so glad it is. (:
that marks nearly the end of my job..YAY!
special thanks to all JCRC kids who made it so successful.
michael,victor,yewhang,siting,joyce,gareen,andrew,

clarence,weida,meihua,mingyong,dehong,jai, angel.
my office term has been great with you guys.
and im going to miss working together.
no worries, i shall plan an outing for us after exams!

anyways, exams are bloody near and my momentum is still not here.
mugging should be my favourite pasttime now.
but..

ohwells. i see my tutor walking towards me.
byeeee bloggie.

2008-03-04T21:10:00.002+08:00

a fcuked up but cranky day for me.
project meeting.math quiz.lectures.more project meeting.

effective com project can be so fun.
hedi drives me nuts.but i still love her nevertheless. (:
more to come tml.
oh YAY.

i just realised i had only bread and teh and gelato today.
but all i can think of now is sleep.
fcuked. and i have so much work to do.

work is piling on jcrc side again.
but its really coming to an end soon.
yea man!
but exams are coming real soon too.
double fcuk.

5 chem topics to go by tml
and im typing my random thoughts.

leanne says she's motivated.
i learn so many new things today.
double integral.hybridisation.auto&externfunctions.
i hope its lifespan is more than just 1 day.

i wanna shower and the bloody toilet is occupied.

a rest day i was anticipating.
but whyy do i have to have a dinner appointment?
argh.

augustrush!
anyone?

oh yes.i shopped in school today at canB
as a reward for my hardworkingness.
canA tml. (:

my neck is aching.
my stomach is growling.
my brain is burning.
so would you kindly please come out of the toilet?

2008-02-26T21:53:00.002+08:00

day 2 of recess week is ending in 2 hrs and i have yet to complete the tasks for today. ARGHHH!

going for dental can be such a waste of time.
appointment at 2pm. waited till 4pm. dental ended at 445pm.
so dumb can.

and the dentist wanted to kill me today.
she tighten my bracers until so super f***ing tight,
i came out of the room holding my jaw.
i know i cant bite but i still act smart and had fish&co with sistas.
now my teeth is extraordinary painful.
confirm no solid food for a few days.
more mango puddings for me please?

anyhows, was supposed to meet up with dora before meeting sistas but ended up she had a last min assignment to do. :(
the next time we meet will prolly be like mayy?
OHWELLS.
there's always the good of advanced technology! :)

surprisingly i bumped into girlfriend at dental today. :)
we always try to plan our dentals together but fail.
God must have planned for me to wait damn long until her appointment.
anyways, i was so happy to have met her despite the painfulness of my teeth, i kept talking and talking non stop and totally forgot about meeting sistas! =/
we finally managed to plan our next dental together! YAY!
at least i dont have to worry about planning meetups.

okayy bloggie, meet ups this break have so far been rather successful.
today: zizi (coincidentally), sistas
thursday: BLACKsheeps! like finally. im free when they are free. wooohoo!
friday: my beloved cousin who is back from china with my presents! =D

ooops. no more days left for my boy.
how sia?

2008-02-23T23:18:00.002+08:00

some of the twelvers have set off for the kayaking trip last night. and that includes elsa and mike. before that we had a steamboat cum hotplate farewell dinner for our nie students - helen, angela and eileen. there was hell alot of food and dearest mike still cooked for me his famous salmon before he left for the trip. im a xinfu little girl!(: and im so happy helen liked the card we made for her!

thats us with the yummylicious salmon!

anyways, recess week is here! and that means my mugging week is here too! yipee! (:

i finally met up with marvin today. it was good to have met ups. he still looks the same though. and he's going to be my junior in ntu. and after that i met up with kevin, ruifang, roland, shujing for ktv session. i finally see our age gap! hahaha. all the songs they sing are like unknown to me. so not my era. but i had fun la.

okayyy, i really do miss my boy now.

2008-02-20T13:54:00.003+08:00

dearest bloggie,

i am a horrible girl today. i skipped astro lecture. supposedly to be back in hall studying but i end up doing many random stuff. i need to find focus man.

had like a surprise quiz for computing today. wells, its not exactly surprising since we all kinda anticipated it. i kept praying last night that my tutor will be a kind soul and wont spring it on me early in the morning. thinking that my prayers will be answered, i didnt study for it. anyhows, despite not studying, i successfully wrote 2/3 of my programme. so i guess its still a pass after all.

but physics was like shit. i studied for one day and i could barely remember anything. lucky i had my appendix A with me. and helped me solve quite abit of qns. but the stupid ATs in front of me were like reading and referring their notes. and my tutor couldnt care less. WTF. i should have brought in my notes too man. ohwells. its over and i think i didnt do too badly in that quiz.

i finally took the initiative to ask BLACKsheeps out. but to my horror, i found out that our timetable totally clashes. ARGH! i hope i can work this out. and qiyin dreamt that i committed suicide! its either she is too stress or im too stress or both?!

sistas, please choose a date from 26th - 29th feb.

(i think rach 29th cannot and i cannot on 27th)

imissmyboy.

and im so sad girlfriend ps-ed me. :(

2008-02-17T16:25:00.002+08:00

physics physics and more physics.
ARGHHH!
suddenly i miss mr goh so much.

anyhows, im back in hall early today to studyy.
but somehow i feel too lethargic to do so.
im so screwed.

sistas, lets make it last week of every month la. we'll decide the dayy when the time draws nearer. mustt try to make this work! if not the next time i see you girls will be birthdays again. =/

okayys. i think i better get back to studying.

2008-02-11T00:46:00.000+08:00

thetruthisout.

its suppose to be a relief. its suppose to make things easier. but how come i dont think that its going to turn out the way it suppose to.

meet-the-boyfriends session with sistas was a great one. pity jx and kenneth cldnt be there. ohwells! i agree with rach to meet every month. every last friday of the month sistas? okayy?

sent tomato off on saturday. ahhhhh! im so sad. she's my favourite tomato. my BOBOtomato. all my secrets shared with her. all her kuku-ness. i miss her already. dear please take care over there okayy. and must come back soon for our secret date okayyy. you owe me one!

my stupid boyfriend just came over and scare me. lucky im not elsa, if not the entire hall would have known already.=D

2008-02-08T13:26:00.000+08:00

a whole new different chinese new year experience. i guess its a good thing afterall that aunt lily and family went over to china for cny.i was still quite sad initially. first time in my 19yrs of life i went over to ah ma's hse on chu yi. usually we will go over on chu er and there is barely any soul there. this yr, the entire extended family was there. met the never seen before nephews, and the overgrown cousins whom has always been below 10yrs old in my memory.and now they are in secondary school.time flies! even my once closest cousins seem so distant from me now. i remember how we used to meet at ah ma's hse every weekend to play random games while our parents play mahjong.how we write letters to one another despite the fact that we meet every other weekend. i really miss those times. now we are all grown up with our own lives. hardly even have the time to ask each other out. anyways, now i have the urge to ask daddy to change our new year plans every year. i wld rather go over to ah ma's hse on chu yi now since we dont even meet aunt ivy anymore.

the good and rare thing this yr; daddy didnt lose this temper on any day of chinese new year. even if no2 didnt want to go to his godma's place, he was so cool abt it. life's getting better! (:

oh yes, i went to aunt diana's place last night before going to dear's place. they were all so shocked to see me. they said i grew prettier from the last time they saw me. heee heee! but daryl doesnt recognise me anymore. im so sad. and he grew fatter and no longer cute anymore, and im sadder. haha. i didnt get to meet kelvin this yr though, not that it matters, but i guess i wanna know if he's doing okayy these days.

experience at dear's place was extraordinary stressful.meet-the-parents session has always been stressful for me man.even in school where my parents met my teachers. but it turned out nice and well in the end. dear's dad is so cute.im at his place now again. and i found out his secrets.he is so dead man.

anita and patrick both got married last yr. like finally! we saw their wedding photos and it has this super xin fu feeling. i asked no1 if she has the urge to get married now and her answer is still no. so sian diao! i will nv get a chance to have my own nephew! so sadddd.

trust him. and let my trust in him overpower my distrust in relationships.

2008-02-06T12:54:00.000+08:00

yes girls, im attached. updates on saturday alrights?

my roomie is nutty-ly in love. i guess we are both finally happy for real eh?

i think saturday will be an interesting day. im quite excited! (:

be patient.

thank you my dearest. everything you did for me last night meant alot to me. i am undeniably touched. (:

2008-02-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

im really happy today bloggie. i cldnt stop smiling and laughing to myself all day long. i rmb saying that 2008 was going to be a better year for me and it definitely is for us.

the strangest thing happened to us. it was suppose to be at least 1 week apart. apparently, mine came earlier and elsa's came later and they met at the same week. and not only that, it was a sign.like a premonition. i have no idea what kind of sign is that but i hope its a good one.

i was skeptical.its unfair i know.but i cannot help but build that shield to protect myself.i guess i worry too much.when i finally realise that this shield was not necessary,there comes the additional pressure. ARGH.

2008-02-01T20:23:00.000+08:00

HALL12 CNY DINNER IS FINALLY OVER!
a hugee sense of relief man.
and thank youuu every single one of you who made it so successful.
elsa,ruilong and the rest of my subcom, for putting in the extra hardwork.
JCRC,who nv fails to support me in every single event. it wldnt have been possible without all your encouragement and support and help. you guys rock! (:
every twelver, all who turned up, all who enjoyed yourselves, all who supports my every event, you know who you are.really thank youu!!!
you guys spur me on for the rest of my events.
special mention to elsa my beloved roomie, i love you babe!
micheal, for the extra effort to guide me through this. (:

JOINT HALL OLYMPIAD OPENING IS OVER TOO!
this was the most tiring event ever.
but its the event i learnt most.
and the committee was a fantastic one.
although i dread meetings, but im sure going to miss everyone of you!

my big events are more or less over.
time to sit down and spend some precious time with my work.
yea man.chaomuggerme is back!

2008-01-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

roomie roomie where are you?

im so bored and roland is being an idiot.
his friend is jealous that im blogging in his room.
im sure she will use the toothbrush and stab me if she knows who am i.
ssssshhh! dont tell anyone.

roomie roomie dont abandon me!

i just watched this damn retarded video from the damn retarded roland.
but hor, its pretty entertaining and i suddenly feel like playing pokemon!
its my childhood favourite gameboy game leh.

roland, please stop being an idiot and stop cutting my train of thoughts.

OOOPS! im using his computer and his beloved VVVVVV just msn-ed him.
but he cannot read. how sad!

anyways im going nutty bloggie.
i seriously think i should sleep soon.
830am computing tutorial awaits me!

oh yes, im so excited for HO!

okayyy time to go so that roland can respond to his beloved VVVVVV.
good nights bloggg.
but my roomie is still not here! :(

roomie roomie please come back for me.
its the monsters' den here!

OH NO! VVVVVV just went offline.
roland didnt get to talk to her and now he is so sad that he covering his face in his arms sobbing on the table.
im sorry roland.
but i just gave him a chance to call her!
i am SO going to reap good kharma for hogging his com.
=D
ps: roland is going nutty because of this.

ROOMIE ROOMIE COME SAVE ME!

hurrry! roland is threatening to kill me.
ROOOOOMIEEEEE!
HUANG SHANGGGG!

2008-01-22T11:30:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt that you are living in a dream?

everything is moving so fast,

you have totally no control over it

and all you can do is to keep running to catch up with it.

thats how life is now.

i can only live each day as it comes.

its a huge challenge to have an event every two weeks,

because that only means proposals every two weeks,

reports every two weeks and meeting every week.

and thats just a minor part.

but i cant deny that i am having fun and enjoying every single minute of my hall life as i shagg myself out every night.

anyways, a few of us dropped by Prof Ee's place after residents dialogue last night.

about 90% of our conversation was about her overseas trip.

she went to so manyyy places, many of which i dream to visit and see it for myself.

victor also mentioned that he taking lesser modules during his term,

and i wonder whyy i didnt do the same.

my timetable is so packed that i hardly have time for breathe,

and plus all my hall commitments,

no wonders sandar say im always so busy!

hall olympiad is finally here.

i cant wait for it to be over!

no more long meetings and no more walking to hall2 in the middle of the night

and one less thing to be worried about.

but im sure gonna miss working with the committee.

ohwells.

5 more events to the end of my term!

i reallyy miss it loads.

i miss feeling the music in my fingers.

my sister was telling me she totally forgot how to play the bassoon and it's close to impossible to make her pick it up now.

i feel so sad for her.

but on the other hand, my mum is living her dream by still being able to perform and make her own country proud just like before.

and i start to wonder, will i grow old feeling like my sister or my mother?

thats when i start to worry.

i have forgotten how it feels to be sitting in first row,

i have forgotten how it feels to be under Sir's baton and i have forgotten how it feels to see everyone clapping for you and giving you flowers at the end of your performance.

i have forgotten how it feels for your fingers to run with the notes,

i have forgotten how it feels to hit an awful high note.

and now all i can do is listen to the music i once played from my mac.

how sad is that?

seventhnightofjuly

dearbloggie,iwannagoforbandconcert!

sighs!i have to do canvassing that day.

2008-01-11T02:12:00.000+08:00

i couldnt hide my emotions. and i tried very hard to put up a smile and say everything is alright. i dont know what else i can say. many a times arguments across the table i couldnt understand, all i knew was that i am sitting at that seat for a reason. and what exactly is the reason? i can never find a definite answer for it. all the time i seek for a reason, i find all sorts of different excuses. keyword: excuses.

i always thought you knew me. i thought you out of the many across the table would understand my situation. but today i was shot down straight. i heard every single word you said, i understood where you came from, i knew what you wanted to bring across. and it was only then, did i realise that every single thing i thought you knew, i thought you understand was all what i expected out of you. what i expected too much out of you.

its wrong of me to take it personal. but any normal soul sitting there would have done the same. sometimes all i need is just encouragement. whyy cant you see it? you failed to do so as a colleague as well as as a friend. thankfully, my other colleague managed to spot the difference. managed to give me some little encouragement for me to hold on to till the end of the session. once again, i expected too much.

as time passes, the smiles across that huge table started to diminish. i dont know if anyone noticed but these days,we've all changed. it may be because we got tired to putting that mask, it may also be because we dont know how to smile to one another anymore in that room.

as i walked back to my room with much relief that i can finally walk out of that room, i couldnt stop thinking about what my next step should be. in hope of finding someone to whine to and seek a third party opinion,i opened the door to find my room empty. only did i realised that my roomie has gone home.

ohwells, so its just me and my thoughts.

nono! its just me and my pile of work.

no more room for you bloggie;

in my little brain.

2008-01-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

semesterTWO

first week of school and im down.

piling proposals.events after events.

lessons till late everyy day followed by meetings.

the thought of a great 2008 is diminishing day by day.

anyhows, im pretty sure its gonna be better than 2007 though.

or at least i hope so.

maybe it was a mistake from the beginning.

the mask that we wear daily,

a smile that never came from the bottom of our hearts.

okayy maybe that sounded too serious.

anyways time flies.

so in no time, we no longer have to wear that mask

we no longer have to be what we appear to be.

now this sounds just as serious.

whatever la.

i cannot gather the thoughts in my head.

whyy, whyy and more whyys.

no answers.

im sure ignorance is bliss. (:

2008-01-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

byebye cheewee

hello sem2!

byebye nissan sunny

hello vroom vroom!

drove to school today.

shiokness!

new part-time maid.

less job for mummy

and less nagging for me.

cheers!

new beginning.

new flu virus.

2007-12-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

heyy bloggie.
i am bored shitless at roland's hse now.we're having steamboat and while waiting for the soup to boil the rest is playing mj and i have nothing to do.
so here i am talking to you..

they claim that i am a bimbo.
but seriously, i am not.

i miss the good old days where i can return home from school, dilligently do my simple homework and watch my 7pm and 9pm drama serials. relaxing at home and lazing around has suddenly became a luxury that no amount of money can buy. yewhong was asking me while we were preparing food how i have been these days, only then did it occur to me that i have been living each day as it is and i totally forgot how to enjoy every single day, every single minute that God has granted me. i have been too caught up with too many things, so many things that i dont even know what. i have so much to do, yet i dont know where and how to start doing them. shir, you gotta stop procrastinating.

during that few minutes that i sat down totally engrossed in the old mediacorp drama serial, that was prolly the most relaxed time i have had during this holidays. this holidays is nothing like a holiday. holidays have always been the most antisipated period of the year, but this time i really cant wait for school to start. i cant wait for my term to end. seriously, uni life is nothing close to fun.

anyhows, even lady luck is not on my side. i lost quite abit in mj earlier and even cheewee cant save me now. nevermind, its always in the name of fun.

oh and home alone 4 has just started. im going to grab this chance to enjoy being a potato couch. byeee bloggie. (:

2007-12-15T12:56:00.000+08:00

NINETEEN finally.
yet another year i got cheated by elsa tan.
but i love her nevertheless. (:

had to go back to hall for hockey match on the 13th.
brought zi to stay in hall since we were going out the next day.
and she happily became an accomplice!
anyways, we won hockey 3-0!
TWELVERS!

so after the match elsa had to go for some kayaking meeting.
i just went back to hall with zi to wait patiently for her for dinner.
i got hungry and got wilfred to buy me prata and told elsa to call him to buy for her too.
less than 5mins later,
there was a change of plans and elsa told me wilfred was cooking and told me to come down and help.
so i changed and headed to level 4 pantry and to my surprise,
i saw michael, roland and elsa cooking!
michael was suppose to be at HPC meeting
roland was suppose to be at home
and elsa was suppose to be at kayaking meeting.
their meeting was actually trip to shengsiong to buy ingredients.

anyhows, they were cooking my bday dinner.
i was damn touched.
was kinda speechless and i didnt know what to do.
every single dish was my favourite.
chicken drumlets, honey wings, cheese crabsticks, cheese mushrooms, cheese meatballs, cheese sausagges, shrimp wantons and michael actually prepared salmon!

my cooks!

my birthday dinner!

so i cleared up the place after dinner and the moment i turn around everyone else were gone.
zizi even bluff me that her parents are here.
michael told me to go up to his room to wait for dessert.
kinda expected a cake since its abt 12am alr.
but never did i expect mich and rach (coupled with dav) to turn up.
and everyone else to come up as well.
they came in with 2 cakes.
1 traditional swissbake from sistas
1 blackforest from twelevers.

i was seriously damn touched.

twelvers: clarence,wilfred,hongda,roland,meihua,elsa,me,michael
sistas with girlfriend:mich,elsa,zizi,me,rachie
spent some time to catch up with sistas before they left.
its been a realllyyy long time.
and i miss them so much,
pity jingx was in china.
ohwells.

spent the rest of the morning playing mahjong and sleeping.

my first presents (i forgot to take van's book inside)though this year was different without BLACKsheeps.
it was still very special all thanks to chief programmer ELSA TAN.
i love youu dearie!
i promise to protect you from the pond on your bday!(:

oh yess! it was a plus point special when this guy shook my hand and said sheng ri kuai le to me.
a million thanks to elsa, zizi, michael, roland, mich, rach!
and everyone else who remembered!
YAY! i feeel sso loved!

2007-11-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

just the 2nd day of camp and i am THIS shagged.
2 boys fell down while playing catching ytd after camp
and 1 of them fell down in my sight!
knocked his head and scratched his legs.
he cried all his might out and i felt so bad i had to call his mum.
turn out, his mum is one of the unreasonable kind.
they insisted to come down to pick up their son and i had to stay behind since she had my handphone no.
i dunno how long they nagged at us man.
but they were so unreasonable!
they brought out every single reason to put the blame on us.
ARGH!

we kept telling her that accidents are bound to happen
and she said we were too lax on our safety and yada yada
she even brought up the dragonboaters who got drown.
"even the professionals can have accidents moreover my boy who just turned 8"
i dont get it,
if she wanted her boy to not have accidents then she should have locked him at home!
i guess parenting is not easy at all,
but teaching is even harder and parents just dont see that.
ohwells.

i went to some mangrove swamp today.
i get to learn something new everyday i guess.
a convo between shai and a pri3 girl:
girl: have you had S with your gf before?
shai (acting blur): HUH? what's S?
girl: (laughs) have you K her before?
shai: (continue to act blur) what's K?
girl: KISS LA!
shai: orhh! never la. cannot la.
girl: whyy cannot? she is your gf sure have one.
shai: cannot la.
girl: so you touch her B before?
shai: (still acting blur) HUH? what's B?

i cant believe this came from a 9 yr old girl!
what's this world coming to?

2007-11-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

so my exams have ended.
finally home. at least for the next 2 weeks.
ohwells. but my schedule is still packed like madness though.

i always thought that i could at least keep those memories
and look back and think that i had enjoyed those times.
little did i know that you could destroy them in a minute.
destroy every tiney winey feeling that was left of it.
all thanks to you,
i find it even harder to put up a mask to everyone now.
and also thanks to you,
i've seen your true colours
and boy, am i glad that it is so over now.

its always easy to judge with what you hear.
and never underestimate the power of rumours.
i guess i have nothing to say in my defense.
or rather nothing i say will change your biasness towards me.
i know that my conscious is clear and its up to you to believe
you just dont know me well enough.
and that is also one reason whyy you shldnt have judged me with what you heard.
i believe true friends will seek the truth and stand by my side.
apparently, its pretty obvious our friendship was not strong enough.
ohwells,at least i get to see the bigger picture now.

i was affected i admit.
it doesnt matter to me anymore.
honest.

desperate housewives is sure addictive man.

kor is back from china tml.
i think he's going to bring back some stuff i wanted for me.
so exciting!
i wanna go overseas again!
arghhh!

2007-11-02T15:58:00.000+08:00

exams are coming and im nowhere near prepared.
this is much worst than Alevels.
the story of the previous social secretary is scaring the hell outta me.

the road ahead is narrow
the way is sometimes steep
.
.
.
dare to run
with your eyes fixed on Jesus
following the footsteps
of the one who's gone before us
dare to run
in the power of His spirit
born to be victors
in a race already won
dare to run

haven had so much fun in a really long time.
zizi came down to ntu.
spent some time with her and brought her around school.

*MUACKSSS

thatsmeandmygirlfriend!

and im so happyyy that i met up with her!
(:

believe it or not, shirin watched some arty farty french film.
yes blog, i fell aslp
BUT i enjoyed the show to a certain extent la.
went down to mustafa after that for the first time in my life:
1. i dont feel local in there. its like another world on its own.
2. the things are damn cheap.
3. its pretty fun in there.
4. their carpark is creepy
it was hard to get a parking lot,
the carpark was full and we wanted to park along the road side
spin round and round and couldnt find a space.
just then, we saw 2 cops running along the road
man, spore cops run slow.
anyways, they were going after 2 guys who were obviously running much faster than them.
we decided to join in the fun and run after them too.
wells, not literally run but drive.
okayy in the end we caught no guy but jack told the cops which direction they ran towards.
im watching the news tonight!

had some dimsum for dinner/supper and milo dinosaur.
woohooo! the food there is bagus!
i especially enjoyed the ride back hall.
damn exciting man.
it felt intialD-ish.
hee hee heee!

IM GOING HOME TO SEE DADDY AND MUMMY!
(:(:

2007-10-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

thank you mr idiotic.
thank you FLASK.

daddy says he misses me.
and i miss him too.
one more weekend!
and i can see himm.
wonders if he bought anything from france for me.
HEE.

ireallyloveyouroomie.

2007-10-27T02:38:00.000+08:00

emotions overwhelmed me as i stood in the midst of praise and worship. it never occured to me that i haven been spending time with God, haven been doing quiet times, haven been reading the bible. i let myself backslide once again. as i stood there and watch my sister's baptism, i asked myself when will be the day i can do the same. i look at the people around me and my mind went blank. the words of the songs, the word of God - nothing registered in my head. my life journey just flashed past me in the split second. it suddenly occured to me that everything i went through and is going through is something that Father God has planned for me to learn. and me being the stubborn me just refuse to do so. i cldnt hold back my tears and i cldnt show it. all i cld do was to sit down and reflect. after praise and worship, people came up and spoke of their testimonies. there were fear, unforgiveness and the last one was backsliding. it felt like God had just spoken, telling me that i should do something about it. maybe all my screwedupness came from the backslide, maybe all i needed to do was to continue to trust in the Lord like before. the ceremony ended with a prayer and "amazing grace". every single word of the song pricked me like a thorn. i cld no longer hold the tears back as i silently seek for forgiveness and sang the song with hope. i have people turning around telling me "i am loved", "God bless you" etc. i just smiled.

i never learn to appreciate until i lost it.i hate myself for letting it go.i hate myself for rejecting it and pushing it away from me.now that its no longer with me,i cannot do anything but blame myself for it.thats human nature i guess.unappreciative and unforgiving.i knew deep down what was good and what was bad for me,but i still chose the latter.dumb me? i guess it is too late to try to revive the situation and make things better.i just wanna run away, avoid facing my decision head-on for as long as i can in hope that it will just go away.please go away.

i wake up today and asked myself what happened the night before.and i cannot rmb anything that took place before my sleep and today is just a brand new day and everything is going to be alright.SNAP! that was just a dream,subconciously telling me that i need a break from being me. when i really woke up in the afternoon, i knew it wasnt so easy.i was and still am the bitch.

i live in your shadow. as much as i hate it, i cant run away from it. i dont exist if you dont exist. how impt is a shadow to you?

on the brighter side, i am glad i spent time with my sisters today.suddenly i miss shenyang so much! i came home in hope to eat mummy's homecooked food to realise that she went genting today. =(

time for FE1005 and FE1001.

2007-10-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

nope shirin hasnt vanished.
iamstillhere.

many mornings i wake up questioning what they all mean.
they are like bed bugs that bite,
taking all my precious sleep away
until i can finally answer to them.

childhood was never a happy memory for me.
i grew up disliking every part of me.
i hate it that i have to have an imaginery friend to play with,to feel less alone.
i hate it that my sisters are so close yet so far.
i hate it that my mum's bias
i hate going home everyday after school to an empty house.
i hate it that my dad's super duper ultra strict with my studies.

a little girl crying all by herself in this huge room
is a scene that was repeatedly playing in my mind.

now this little girl has grown up alittle
she finally realised how much she loves this family of hers.
and how much she means to this "unloving" family
no matter how much they show that they dont care.
i finally know how ignorant i was.
does that mean i grew up alittle more now?

i dont know how many times i have to screw up my life to learn.
to learn what i want.
to learn God's almighty plan.

STOP BEING SO FCUKING STUBBORN

a few days back i was a million tutorials lag.
i was screaming at myself to get down to studying.
today i realised what was stopping me.
now i have 4 more tutorials to go.

i guess hall life is what i make it to be.
i should have stuck to my initial plan.
SHIAT!
its too late to turn back time no matter how much i want things to change.
MOVE ON FROM HERE BIATCH.

i should learn to be appreciative.
thats what God has been trying to teach me these days,
i guess.

somehow or another i cannot help but look back thinking what would have been different if i didnt insisted on meeting the other day.
what would have been different if i didnt give in to all that pressure.

moralofthestory:
SHIR's life SUCK.

2007-09-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

i cant believe that i spent the entire weekends doing one bloody report.
yes, entire!

but for now,
byebye singapore.

2007-09-18T16:38:00.000+08:00

confirmed timing for my trip today.
leaving on sat night-sun morning
and arriving on sun night-mon morning.

lab report due on tue.
and i have no fcuking idea how to do it.
math quiz on tue too.
and i haven done the tutorial topics tested.
whats worst,
ive arranged for dental in the morning on tue,
changed it 3 times alr
i dont think the woman will let me change again.
how in the world am i suppose to fly from boat quay back to ntu south spine in time?!
PLUS
i have meeting on mon nightt.
no time to rest.
no time to do my work.
oh, would someone so kind help me out in this?

yes. i am starting to hate it.
the feeling grows stronger and stronger each day.
the restrictions.
the obligations.
the "no you cannot do this"
and the "you MUST do this"
im starting to lose myself.
and its starting to lose meaning.

2007-09-16T03:54:00.000+08:00

stress level increase drastically immediately after investiture.
and it finally reached crumble point.

i dont get it.
people are always so quick to criticise and so quick to point fingers.
whyy cant they look into the mirror and ask whyy they are not in that position.
and whyy cant they try to put themselves in our positions and see that we are already trying our best.
i guess we will never be able to please everyone.
just have to know that my conscious is clear.

back to stress.
THREEE upcoming quizes.
one upcoming proppsal.
one going-to-due report.
and a huge stack of piling tutorials.
good lucks shir!

ways to destress:
1. play uno-stacko in games room before proceeding to pulling your hair out doing physics.

2. learn to play weiqi after dinner in less than half hr. (thats my opponent's hand - we created this after our virgin game)

3. make him create ur name and you take a break before going up to continue pulling your hair

im staying in hall for this entire weekends.
HOMESICK!
but i gotta mug for my quiz man. i dont wanna da bao!
thankfully i've got great seniors like daniel, hongda, yewhang, mike, roland, cheewee, vinz.
who taught me physics and made me realised how careless and dumbdumb i can actually get.

supper is making me fat.
damn it!

okayy.im going to KO soon.

2007-09-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

the irony of life.

few dayys back i was happy and alive
although i felt nothing but stress.
i enjoyed every single process i had with the 7th,
the rehearsals, the banner painting and suppers.
look at the hall 12 banner flying high above the amphitheatre.
its the fruit of our labours. =)

once again, the friday night spent in hall was spent playing mahjong.
initially i was losing like mad.
but after getting knocked in the head real hard by some idiot,
i started to win.
this is the prettiest set.
four tai plus zhi mo.

and all my winnings are used to pay all my 7th spendings. =X

daddy came and pick me on saturday.
mummy waited for me and cooked bird's nest for me.
she said i was sleeping too little and i needed some nourishment.
da jie bought choc tarts, banana cake and cheese cake for me.
i finally sat down and had a good conversation with them ever since i started school.
i miss my familyyy so muchh.

i told mummy i wanted to eat her waffles and tasty toast.
she made waffles immediately on sat night
and brought me grocery shopping for tasty toast on sun.
i spent sunday afternoon making tasty toast with her
and i brought over to hall and made them for my twelvers.
and theyy loved it! =)
yet another sense of accomplishment.

i felt so xin fu for the weekend.
and i cant wait for my china getaway! =D

and things took a uturn after i came back to hall.
i sprained my thumb in the shower.
it was a dumb act, yes.
its still throbbing as i type lightly on my keyboard.
i refused to see the doc just in case he wraps it up and i have to hold a swollen thumb on to the stage for investiture.
no way that is going to happen man.
and today,
im down with the tiney winey bit of flu, with sore throat and headaches.
MUST BE MY KARMA!

anyhows,
i need to go down to townn later to grab some investiture stuff.
poorsickme.
but i get to meet dora!
thats a consolation.
till then,
i need some rest.
goodnights blog. =)

er jie just told me she will come pick me up anytime i decide to go home if i dont feel well,
man! iamloved. =)

2007-09-06T04:04:00.000+08:00

-continuing-

its 4am in the morning and here i am blogging
when i have a whole long to-do-list to complete.
lucky i only have 1 afternoon lecture ~~tml~~ today.

i thrashed mingyong in othello today!
im seriously damn happy abt it.
haven felt such accomplishment in a really looongg time.
maybe i shld join rec subcom?

that aside, i finally laid my hands on disney monopoly today.
its so pretty and so cute and i so want it.
its damn cheap actually but to waste money on it and nobody plays with me is super dumb.
so i found an alternative,
hall12gamesroom!
lucky yiping, victor, daniel and -idunnohisnametwelver- were willingly to play with me.
super fun!
maybe i shld organise a monopoly day or something.

and and!
i played floorball too!
though i was kinda rusty, lagg and the list goes on
i still lovee this game.

anyhows,
we celebrated no one's bday at 60benches.
it was roland's sillly but great mistake.
mango cake was served although it was a false alarm.
went out with noel and alvin to get supper after that.
i had prata la.
gawd! im growing fatter!
resolution no3 - no more suppers.
teh bing at city harvest is really good.

my roomie's right.
(:

i just made a new resoultion tonight.
that is to STOP PROCRASTINATING SHIR!

today is fun day!
games and supper everyday will be a good idea.
but life aint a bed of roses.
how disappointing.

back to reality after i wake up in the afternoon.
more tutorials.
more proposals.
less fun.
less sleep.

alvin asked if i regretted mae.
my answer is no.
bloggie, please remind me that when i choose the easier way out one day.

okayys.
back to friendster hopping with roomie and some sleep.

did i mention i love my mac?
oh yes i did. (:

oh yes yes.
photos from foc and dnd and qy's bday shall be uploaded next week.

2007-09-05T14:44:00.000+08:00

beautiful white(:
and i love all things beautiful.
i have never been so gentle to an electronic device.
i simply love my mac!

this is the first mac entryy!

i know who are the ones.
the ones who genuinely cares.
and the ones who have multiple faces.
sad but true
i had to see it for myself.
4moreyears to go.

bloggie,
open your eyes BIG BIG!

as she screams at me to stop torturing my body,
one ear in and one ear out.
i promised myself i will have a good sleep after lessons todayy.
but, i really cannot forgive myself for resting.
uh oh! im psychotic!

supper last night was great until i felt the vibes.
yikes!

its no longer subconscious.
i know it!

resolutions made one night.
1. i will attend all lectures and tutorials
2. -secret- (ask me and i will tell you)

i am so glad i pulled myself out up
and i reallly thank the big warm hands that held me as i tripped,
without this helping hand,
i would probably have fallen even harder without realising.

blogg,
arent you happy for me that there will always be people out there looking out for me in this narrow road of pitfalls?
i realised how much God has given me and how much i am loved.
still,
there is so much more to do to make it f*** off.

-tobecontinued-

2007-08-31T13:51:00.000+08:00

i turned around and i saw the sun
oh what the fcuk!
its 7am in the morning.
thanks to the tehbing
i completed my proposal in time
and 3hrs later i had a lecture

so i screwed my body clock.
AWESOME!

in 1hrs time i got another tut.
i hear my bed calling out to me.
damn!

on a more exciting note,
today's dearest yin's bday! :)
gonna meet my dearest sheeps later.

2007-08-29T01:55:00.000+08:00

bloggie!
i have too much random thoughts flying around.
i have so much to say but i dont know how to put it through to you.

jcrc is taking a toll on me.
i dont know if i can handle the amount of stress that will eventually increase and crumble on me at the end of year one.
i promised daddy that i will focus and study hard in uni.
but somehow i feel that i will disappoint him eventually.
i will never forget the day i wanted him to scream at me but instead he comforted me and stood by me.
and i dont want that day to come again.

no dont get me wrong.
i am not regretting.
i am just afraid.

i dunno if i am who i portray myself to be
which shirin do you see,blog?
do you even know who i am?
i dont even know who i am anymore.

pres say i shld have a proper sequence in my conducts of meeting.
but i always have random thoughts running through my head that some times i just blurt it out without realising.
maybe i am not cut out for such stuff.

oh yes!
i went for dragonboat first training today bloggie!
exciting as it was,
i figured i really dont have the time for it.
moreover i lack the commitment at this point of time.
so no more trainings for me.
but its damn shiok to be honest.

so i doubt i have the time for floorball.
cant even make it for the trials this week.
how sad!
but at least i still get to play in hall.
consolation?

im a greedy person blog.
i want everything in life.
i want all the time in the world.
i want time for the ones i love.
i want time for myself.
i want time for studies.
i want time for fun.
i basically just want more time!

he kept appearing in my head these days.
i think im missing him.
but it doesnt feel the same as before.
maybe i am ready for him to re-enter my life.
and i realised,
i lost his contact in all aspects.
ohwells.too bad!

mr idiotic says im a walking zombie.
i haven entertained him since forever man.
not even sengkang meetups.

i wish i can turn back time.
somuchforalittleme.

you mean alot to me.
if she is me,
i will give you all the time i have.
i promise.

2007-08-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

whambamslam!
such a short span of time and so much had happen.
chze says my life is interesting and she's lovin' it.
i want a switch!

no more exciting life for me please?
i just want to peaceful and simple one.

uni life isnt what i planned it to be.
but how many times in life did things turn out the way you planned?
its all in God's beautiful plan i guess.
i dont see the big picture but He does.
ohwells.

so dragonboat was great.
i really love the sport.
weigh your priorities,shirin!
no dragonboat for you until you learn.
its all about time management!

so much i want to say.
so little you want to listen.
so we shall just mark a fullstop?

2007-08-12T11:49:00.001+08:00

its a long weekend spent at home.
home never felt this cosy before.
i never thought i will be so homesick
although i love my family at twelve.

this holiday is my last time to slack already.
mugging days shall start soon!

im going to lead my nerdy uni life as said.

national day parade was a success.
i finally completed this long tiring project
with the help of my beloved outsiders!
without them it wouldnt have been successful.
i love them all.
especially pris, menaga and amzy!
im going to miss you guys loads!

girlfriend! you are the best!
more dates please?

and i finally collected my long awaited imported cd!
oooohh yeah!
it so worth the wait and trouble!
i cant wait to give one to christine and see the huge smile on her face!

so i caught secret twice in two days.
i really love the story plot
but i really hate the ending as well.
anyways, its really worth watching.

i hate to admit this
but i really enjoyed myself yesterday.
you were amazing
and the feeling i get from you is extraordinary

ohwells!

2007-08-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

am i subconsiously influenced by what everyone's been telling me?

ye ye say i will be one shade darker after i peel!
YAY!

its bugging me.
YOU'RE bugging me.
please leave!

-mixed-

2007-07-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

its a happy day

and i thank God for the weather.
its a happy day
and im living it for my Lord.
its a happy day
and things are gonna get better.
living each day by the promises of God's word.

:)

2007-07-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

just when i thought human beings with feelings have evaporated into human vapour.

someone who didnt deserve to get it, got it.
someone who i desperately wanna avoid have his means to contact me
whereas someone else out there who i wanna hear from lost his connections to me.
must be my bad kharma.

who knows how many other 'someone else' that are out there now.

ohwells.
at least i finally took a step to connect us back again.
:)

2007-07-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

this close to a car accident.
i cant believe i actually fell aslp on the road.
i could have crashed and died on 20072007.

200bucks richer in a night.
i wld get to wear the sa uniform again if i was going.
ohwells.

contemplating whether i shld take a step back.
i realised i've thrown away too much.
suddenly you're not there when i have so much to share.
i thought i grew out of it.
maybe i did.
and maybe there were just so much that you and i share
to be forgotten and thrashed so easily.

but.
im pretty sure after a good night rest.
i will forget abt this crazy thought tt i had tonight.

so i shld just go to bed.

note to tomato and leanne:
i seriously think the muffins are damn good.
im addicted to our muffins!

2007-07-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

**

i really wanna fly
away from this crazy world
filled with so much pain, tiredness
and unreasonable tears.

i really wanna fly
away from this crazy world
if you had found me
dont bother to bring me back.

**

2007-07-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

yet another week has past.
and im once again one week closer to school starts.

mixure of excitement and fear.

yikes.

so i finally went out after many days of painful mouth.

caught the first show of harry potter in the morning.
not bad though i think he looks better in his very first show.
i finished a pint of hagen daz strawberry icecream.
and paid 50cents for a packet of 10 plastic spoons thinking of sharing my icecream with elsa.
but i ended up finishing the whole thing. =X

gave in to my craving for din tai fung.
and kept eating no matter how bad my teeth hurt.
saw the short donut quene and i got my
DONUTS! =D

i bought some for my darling elsa too.
we were so proud of ourselves after that.
and despite feeling the bloatedness from din tai fung,
we still indulged ourselves with more DONUTS!
(my plastic spoons came in handy!)

so that was the new flavor.
which i have no idea what's it called.
its filled with raspberry jam and covered with a layer of chocolate.
heaven!

and thats the blueberry gazed one.

yi ren yi ban, gan qing yong yuan bu hui san. :)

donuts eating and heart to heart talking at the void deck.
how loving can we get man?

shes going to be one person im going to miss alot after school starts.

2007-07-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

yes.the prettiest date of the year.
everyone's lucky day but mine.

- old ankle injury caused an unfortunate incident early in the morning.
- heavy rain in the hot summer day where i am not allowed to bring a bag, what more an umbrella.
- kana scolded and hence hated for something that is not my fault.

this is the worst of the bad okayy.
totally destroyed my night when i cld actually happily tell others that my unfortunate day wasnt tt bad after all.

wei hao : when you turn ard, i cld feel the atmosphere change and the angst.

amelia: your faces were like super black and serious, especially shirin's.

tts basically how bad it was.

besides that, i never felt so good in a day before.
- meeting adelene,my bestie in pri school and i still dreamt of her two nights ago!

- many friendly smiles from sporeans.

- an auntie telling me tt i have done a really good deed. (:

- happening personnels made my job alot more fun and less tiring and definitely less stressful.

-FIREWORKS!

OH!
plus finding out the most hottest gossip abt the "hottest" people i ever met in school even after graduation.
heeeheeeheeeee.

.IRONY.

itsasmallworldafterall.

2007-06-28T02:34:00.000+08:00

as always,
mr idiotic was being his usual self.
full of secrets and sneakiness.
quoting me and making me sound like a pri3 kid.
and causing me to fall aslp on my own blog.

i was right to not call him mr wise.
hardly any wise words but instead quoting me and making me feel as idiotic as him.
reading my past entries with him made me realised how ~~dumb~~ naive i used to be.

and i used to blogg with the Xs.
yikes!

and obviously made me realised how much i've grew :)

PS: i will find it somedayy.
or at least try.
=P

2007-06-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

ba ba BLACKsheeps,
have you any wool?

as usual, food and pool today.
we're forever doing the same thing man.
i wonder whyy.
but i still really glad we met. :)
getting to know how everyone's doing, seeing each other and basically just hanging out was really a great feeling.

maybe i will post photos up after stealing them fr qy's blogg.
somehow i think we are finally making a pt to meet every now and then.

and as for others,
they moved.i moved.
they lead their lives and i lead mine.
no interference.

oh and i came home to a baby lizard at my door.
nearly fainted of fright.
it was puney and it was BLACK.
yikess.
super gross can.
and it rann into my rooom!
i was so set on killing it.
took out the bagon and start spraying like madd.
it still dare to fake death can!
i thought it was dead and so i gave up.
and the next thing i knew,
it ran under my beddd!
freaked me out more and i was so close to calling daddy at work for help.
i think somehow it was going to suffocate and die under my bed so it ran out again.
and i continued spraying like maddd.
YES! victoryy. :)
time of death: 955pm
cleared its small little remains. and grin with satisfaction.

2007-06-25T00:34:00.000+08:00

so i didnt get to suntan under today's beautiful sun after all.
but its alright.
i still had a blast!
:)

and yes, its God's will!

5bucks were spent at the arcade.
and we managed to playy all the games we wanted to.
pure cheap thrill.
shoe shopping.

and while doing so, i bumped into my best camper for wkB - nigel.
and he was wearing this exact same shirt.
smiled with this exact same smile.
how cute.

thats him!

i cant please everyone of you.
mr idiotic told me this,
"if you keep giving, you will get tired.
and if you keep taking, you will get drained eventually as well"
and i very much agree with it.
so when you decide that its time to switch roles,
we'll work from there.
as for now,
___________

2007-06-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

im sorry.
lets not ever cross paths again.

**
clouds of thoughts flown in and out
**

words can be said easily.
whats impt is meaning it.
should i believe you or continue to be skeptical?

leanne called. bobotomato tagged.
i miss them so much!
lets arrange to meet soon okayy?

and i need the sunn.
how i miss outdoors so much.

2007-06-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

yet another day went by.
i feel like im in jail or something man.
tauhuay and whipped potato on alternate days.
and there is absolutely nothing to do at home!
for the first time in life i really wished i had homework to do.
who knows, i may get desperate enough to take out my tys and start doing tml.

lucky today wasnt tt bad.
walked out to mail my letter to ntu
which in the end i didnt send out.
and elsa came to visit.
obviously with loads of food.
i never felt happier to see her man.
imagine facing the same old walls everyday.
holicks for lunch, tauhuay/whipped for dinner.
and today, i saw yogurt, jelly and more tauhuays and more whipped.
plus! instant porridge and babyfood for lunch tml!

also, i suffered from diarrhoea which i still dont know whyy since i hardly ate anything at all. wtf la!
i just found a blue black on my hand where my injection was.
i really wonder how did it pop up after 5days.
urghh.this is worse than i first put on braces man.

looking on the bright side,
i think the swell went down alittle alr.
and the four holes infront aint obvious since elsa didnt notice.

thankfully for jeff's dvds.
and MORE thankfully for elsa for bringing them over with more variety of food for me.
i love you girl. (:
(PS: tts one reason whyy we may not kill each other after all.)

BUT.
I NEED SOCIAL LIFE!
ARGHHH!

2007-06-19T15:03:00.000+08:00

PHOTOS!

***

week one

a7 red rangers.
khoonwee.karyan.me - RED rangers!
Mr. Mel-Shrek and the blue fingers monster.
LEADERS! :)

Mr John-Shrek. (He really does look like shrek, doesnt he?)
McHandsome!

meet the monkeys at MacRitchie.

***

week two

darius-jack sparrow. super cute can!
leaders specs day. (with darius and and his plant)

papa shai-shrek and his baby shrek.

a7 rangers!

***

the photos in my phone will have to wait.

I MISS CAMP!
:(

2007-06-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

i saw them.
but chose to ignore.
you asked for it.

2 weeks flown by just like that.
i had a great time.
met really good friends there.
melanie.ridz.weiyann.maya.estella.shai.liyana.melzone.
wells, both weeks had its good and bad.
and yes, suffering from post camp withdrawal symptoms as well.
i miss the kids. from my class and also yihao and darius and winn (i forgot if this is how its spelt) and i am missing ethan MORE!

had my surgery today.
from a 2 hrs thing it became a 5half hrs thing.
i dunno whyy la.
the nurse gave me back all my 8 teeth after tt.
wisdom teeth are so cute can.
but anyways, she said one of it was grown in the gum so the dentist had to cut it up and break it into pieces to pull it out.
so it was kinda smashed up when i got it back.
and there will be swell and bruise there.
hallelujah!

been hanging out alot with ppl older than me recently.
their thoughts are so different from mine.
is that what you call maturity?
eugene shared loads with me tt night and i realised how impt it is to set your priorities right and whats the real responsibility one has to bear.
and melzone taught me about trust and friendships.
try hanging out with a group of immatures for one night and you realised how shallow their thinking is.
thats when i decided to turn and walk away.

im getting old!
no wonders eugene and azmy call me jie jie when they are older!
dieeeee.

uni application is making me super tired man.
if only some kind soul will do it for me.
ohwells.

i shall go entertain estella now.
photos next entry. :)

2007-06-03T20:06:00.000+08:00

the further you are from the world,
the closer you are to yourself.
:)

dear bloggie,
shirin is overly shagged today.

i haven felt so tired for a really long time already.
the only thing i could think of all dayy is my cosy little room and my comfy bed.
and i am finally home to sleep but my stupid hair is taking forever to dryy.
urrghhh!

weekends never passed so quickly before.
training in the early morning all the way at ngee ann poly.
the school is bloody big la.
uphill then downhill and uphill again.
drained most of my energy climbing the stupid slopes.
anyways, i was given a really huge group and my partner doesnt like to shout.
so i have to do most of the talking and shouting and cheering.
suddenly it felt like orientation all over again.
i was infested with mosquitoes bites all over my body and a girl fainted of heat stroke.

headed down to expo after that for my concert.
my legs were aching like mad,
lucky my cousin came to pick me up.
we were at bk for dinner and it was frigging crowded.
finally we found a table and sat down to enjoy our dinner.
then this two ladies came up to us to ask if they could share a table with us.
we agreed and they sat down for dinner too.
after a period of eavesdropping at our convo,
one of the lady decided to ask me if "my friend" is christine.
i looked at her and looked back at my cousin again and my cousin decided to answer that herself.
and poof, they realised they are friends but they didnt recognised each other initially.
they kept saying "its been 10 years"
and all i could think of is "man! they are old."
they were primary school besties and lost contact after secondary school and get to meet again sharing table at bk and both of them were heading down for the concert.
thats how fate plays with us eh?

highlight of they day.
concert of the century.
imagine being high for 3 full hours.
jumping and screaming.
i was perspiring like mad during the entire concert.
really good workout. haha
anyways, it was really 3 full hours of good music.
the concert didnt have elaborate stage settings, no fanciful costumes.
just mayday and their music.
they jump and jump and run and run,
and they were never out of breath nor went out of tune.
really admire them for that man.

my seats were super good la.
all thanks to my aunt for queneing for the tickets for us.
i was close enough to see their faces and the words they mouthed to the fans.
initially i was still quite worried for forgetting my specs.
but i guess i didnt need them.
obviously i didnt forget about chuanyao.
i took photos and videos for him.
he better thank me with something good man.

concert ended at about 11plus to midnight.
i lost my voice after that.
and we were totally shagged after jumping for 3 full hrs straight.
after a long drive home,
we were welcomed home by my aunt with really cold cups of pepsi, followed by tea and beer.

and i only managed to reach home at dinner time after a late lunch with my cousin today.
didnt have enough time to meet tomato.
sorry!

okayy.my hair is dry and im going to sleep.
gotta wake up for camp tml morning.
its going to be a really long day again.
nights blog.

dear God, please grant me full energy tml.
Amen.

2007-05-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

one saturday has passed.
im one saturday closer to my favourite saturday!
the saturday where i get to go over to aunt lily's hse to stay.
the saturday where i will attend the concert of the century.
and the saturday where we welcome chuanyao's arrival from the states with his electric guitar and his angmao slang (hopefully) and he can treat me to a good dinner to comfort me about my notsoeasygoing life. :)
the saturday where i will meet my group members.
and play my most dreadful icebreaking games.and ger not going with me in the morning! :(

lent my keys to jason today.
damn i feel super insecure leaving the hse w/o it.
woke up damn super early for a damn super early training session.
was greeted by a damn super cute army personnel (both me and ger agreed on his cuteness)
he is going to be my new mcCute.
he has THE perfect puney eyess!

anyways, icebreaking will forever be dreadful.
lucky it was only with a small group of fellow leaders.
next week will be much worse. i think.
obviously i made some new friends.
the interesting ones. the cute ones. the funny ones. the eager ones. and the list goes on.
i really wonder if i will really gum with them someday.
but they are really nice people la.

as i played the icebreakers and teambonding games.
i thought about sa alot.
orientation one and two.
how my og could click on the very first day.
how enthu my class was on day one.
how playing games were never dreadful.
how rahrah i was.
how i loved school.

and now.
im all quiet and shyy.
games werent as fun as my last experience was.
ohwells.
people do grow old i guess?

the train loaded with memories took a quick ride in my head.
and then i was talking to my fellow saints who so happened to be in my group.
telling kailing how i felt abt the matches last yr.
hockey boys, rugby and boys soccer.
and i went on with wei hao about how we both felt for malan road.
the reading room. the gallery. the everything that felt like home.
suddenly all these seem so distant to me.
and i dunno whyy but i feel like one day,
my memories of sa will slowly fade away.
all the good and the bad.
ps: im not emo.just nostalgic suddenly.

games ended and real training started.
i didnt know it was going to be THIS tiring.
today's training ended with a recce around the site and mcCute exclaiming, "relac la!"
i survived a session from 9am to 645pm!
-claps claps-

something occured to me when i was bathing.
from the entire session today,
i can only rmb one sentence vividly in my super sleepy mode:
"if you really cant cope, just hand it over to the army personnels aka the guys in green or blue"
it was kinda a statement that we sayy it practically all the time,
and of course laughed about.

can you imagine if life was this easy?
if you cant cope then just hand it over to someone of power and everything will be okayy.
i mean, Christians will definitely say "cast all your burdens unto the Lord"
i believe in that.
i truely do.
but after you do that, what do you do?
continue to pray that everything will be fine and never know what will happen next until it happens, right?
if there was someone out there who you can whack all your problems to and the next thing you know, he snaps his finger or take out his rifle and they will all gone,
how great would that be?

BUT!
no such man exist.
so life will never easy as it is.
so what does that ends us with?
it was just a random thought and i cant rmb my conclusion.

dinner followed by a shopping session.
2 tops and an undergarment for less than 40bucks!
i so cannot curb with the sale around man.

okayys. i seriously need to sleep.

2007-05-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

okayy. so we quit working again.
lonngg story. dont ask.
so now i have one week break before my next job,
which i am pretty excited about. =D

one week of slacking life.
one week of social catchups.
one week of teeeveee!

theyy say God has His plans for me.
i sayy i have my routes pathed up in my head.
and i constantly question,
"where in the world am i suppose to go from here?"
ask me 3 weeks later and maybe i will have an answer.

i hate running nose.
i hate sore throat.
and i hate high temperatures.
telephone virus pleasee go away.

after dinner i went to heeren to use the toilet.
and i "bumped" into the shop called IS.
its on sale!
8bucks for EVERYTHING.
took a uturn into the shop before leaving town.
and i went home with 2 new tops.
GEEZ!

im so happy!
i passed test routes 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
and my spree items are coming in soon.
:):):)

i wanna bake banana chocolate muffin next week!
anyone interested?

random: no more problems with blog alignment.

2007-05-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

felicia called this morning to go back!
YAY!
dunno how long we will stayy though.
more funny lunches with waine.
and more bobotomato bullying me.

dental today.
half the time when i was lying there,
i swear the orthodonthist was trying to murder me.
first by trying to rip my face apart from side to side.
then by putting a frigging hard and unbendable wire.
and then attempt to take that wire out and put in a more bendable one.
worst of all, adding additional pressure to my alreadyy super pressurised teeth that hurts the shit out of me.
now myy teeth is just as pain as the first time i had them on.
i so did not expect the second visit to be more painful than the first
(since i easily fell aslp on the first).
now now.whyyy am i dreading the third?

oh i know whyy.
its surgery!
congratulations shir.

didnt get to spend time with myself, my book and mcdreamy today.
i wanted to after my haircut.
but that was before i did hair treatment.
i finally am doing something abt my super duper uper dryyy hair.
and i cut it all off!
i spent like a hundred bucks there.
just after i told elsa ytd that i was saving. =X

caught a fondue before phantom.

WOOTS! i loooovvveeeee phantom!
its not fantastic kind of fantastic.
like super draggy here and there.
but definitely good!
worth my moneyy and time.
the sets were like damn nicee.
the songss and music coordination were great.
and my view was basically reallyyy good.
thank God my sis went for phantom earlier than me
so she bought the soundtrack and i can savee on that.haha

daddy came and pick me after that.
i so had the urge to tell him abt it in the car.
but when the topic came up,
not even anywhere close to what i wanted to sayy,
he blew his top at me.
i really dunno how in the world am i going to tell him.
oh dear Lord,
pleasssseeeeee helppp!

results of my second interview came in the email ytd.
stupid ger freaked the hell outta me wayy before i cld get home to read it.
but anyways, it was good news.

okayyss. time for bed.
tomorrow will be a better dayy.

foricomposethemusicofthenight

2007-05-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

its a sundayyy nightt.
okayy maybe mondayy morning.
whatever.
usually i am alr aslp by now.
but i dont have to worrkkk tml.
and i dont have to workk for the rest of the week.
in conclusion, i ended workkk.
i'm so sadddd!
no more mcdreamy.no more bobotomato bullying me.
and back to my slacking lifeee.
which i totally dread right now.
ohwells.

results of my 2 interviews.
one came in the mail ytd.
the other still refused to email me.

since i have absolutely nothing to do right now,
plasma became my new best friend.
finally started my onetreehill series.
man! chad michael murray is -DROOLSSS-

my wire broke the other dayyy
and i didnt notice.
i dunno if its the pressure due to the wire or whatever shit,
my entire lower teeth is like numb with painn.
i cant bite.
liquid food until my next appointment.
AGAIN!
shitified.
wait. the wire that broke is from the upper teeth.

went for manicure and pedicure with mummy today.
i tot i was being filial.
but man, she has to nag nag nag from morning till the time my sis said this to her.
"you know what's the problem with mums nagging?' they complain and complain to themselves and like anything will change after they complained."
and silence.
like finallyyy.
so anyways, we went down to my cousin-in-law's new shop official opening.
thats like her 3rd shop in a row.
looovveee the wayy she decorated the shop.
so mummyyy signed for a new package for manicures and pedicures.
its has like 12 sessions of full manicures and pedicures.
and she gave it to me!
HEEEHEEEHEEE!

completed test route 2.
and redone test route 1.
my engine died 4 times at the same spot at test route 1 (which i've alr done and passed)
and hence failed.
and i passed test route 2 which is much much more difficult than 1.
how weird can i get?

ps: mcdreamy's name is matin.

2007-05-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

fulfilling life vs slacking life.
weigh the pros and cons.

2 interviews in a row this week.
mann. my brain is exhausted.
and i haven heard anything from any of the interviews i attended.
ohwellsss.

driving was screwed this week.
im so not a morning person.
no more morning lessons please?
oh wait. next week is in the morning too.
screwed.

nightmare or God's message?
or both?
either wayy, it interupted my afternoon nap.

injured my middle finger and hence suffering from internal bleeding.

passed my ftt!
the woman on my left failed.
stressed the shit outta me.
didnt press "end test" until i realised i was going to be late for dinner.
-raceshallnotbementioned- man on my right kept shaking.
bloooodddyy helll.
he was either too scared or was attempting to f***k the chair.
it looks more like the lather.

dinner with the slackers.
newyorknewyork at amk hub.
itss been a long time.
dayy was horrible until i met them.
laughters were endless. worries were forgotten.
memories were refreshed.
sadly ger cldnt make it.
photos that i promised to load:

1.chocolate waffle that was SUPPOSED to be heartshaped. they bluff!

2. she took 2 cotton candies. and exclaimed "oohh its apple!"

3. tricia's abstract art made of the remains of our banana split.
quotes her: "can you see it? if you cant, you're stupid!"

4. finally a clear photo after many attempts of shaky shots from tricia and the waitress.
and thats tricia with her new found friend (in her hand)

**

im sure there will be 5 of us in the picture somedayy.

tuition was baddd.
had to punish her. :(

finally met mel after 3 mths.
it was reallyyy great.
i miss herrr soo muccchhh.
she hasnt changed abit.
noowww i reallyyy miss my classmates.
and i reallyy miss the times in school.

btw, work's great!
it cannot get any better.
afica.felicia.joy.waine.BOBOTOMATO.
plus! MCDREAMY!
i lovee going to workk.
but i dread the workk i am doing.
ironic isnt it?

packed till the end of next week.
and from what i see now,
fulfilling life WINS.

-

effort is what it takes.
trying is all you need.

two types of friends.
-one in which stand by you till the end, the other of which disappears silently.
-one in which tries and the other of which cldnt give a shit

its funnyy how you get to see who stands in the light waiting for you when you're lost in darkness,
and it turns out that (s)he is not who you thought would be there for you.

i guess i know how to catagorize my friends now.
its a pity you are listed under "just friends" and its a surprise how new people are listed under "true friends".

-

i dont want to make a decision that i will regret.

on random note.
i bought a new bag!
and there is a problem with the alignment of the bloggg.

2007-05-04T02:42:00.000+08:00

HEH. work has been extended to the end of Mayy.
but i hope i can end earlier though.
coz now, i have something more exciting i am looking forward to.

life is getting more and more beautiful each dayy.
i love the feeling of being super duper uper busyy.
rushing from work to here and then to there.
exclude the tired part though.
mayb i can invent something to take away tiredness in the midst of busyness.
and i can win the nobel prize.
HAHA

ker calls me a busy bee.
ger say i "very eeyer one".
k complains i dont have time for him.
but i lovveee my life!

so i dropped my pp kid today.
kinda sad la coz she was like very sad after i told her abt it.
ohwells!
at least i know the tutor i got her (or rather phil helped me get) is gonna make her tuition more enjoyable than mine.
DEFINITELY!
and her mum was so understanding la.
and now i am only left with ONE kid.
YEAH!

so today was my third driving lesson.
9 more test routes to go.
kinda passed my first test route today.
WOOHOO!
and then on to parking and circuit
and HO!
my license in my hands.
instructor sayys he has faith in me.
-grins-

i dunno whyy i was so gawd damn happy today.
imagine me skipping out of the driving school(literally!)
and when mummy called,
i happily went down to meet her and she has to jack me again.
and i hate it.
she has been at it since sat.
and she wont stop.
man. i am starting to hate talking to her.
someone please tell me i still love her.

okayys. work in 6hrs. wake up in 5hrs.
nightsss bloggg.

PS: God is good! ALL THE TIME!

2007-04-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

hellos blog. i am so bored.
the cyberworld is getting less and less interesting.
WHYYY?!

i shall send my lap to fix next week.
hopefully my handsome and kind and smart cousin can fix it for me.
i only talk to him like once a year and when i have a favour to ask. :X

HOHO! i am working next week.
super excited about it la.
after slacking my life away for the past dunno-how-many-mths,
i am finally working!
(i am so proud to sayy that)
though its only for one week, but wth, i am still working.
the payy is not high, not that kind that i wld accept when offered to me.
BUT, i'll be working with my beloved section mates.
the 3 generations of clarinetists in one company.
how cool is that? and who will reject that kind of offer?

had my first practical driving lesson on fridayy.
i was super dreading it initially la.
i seriously dont want to learn.
(i was kinda forced into learning)
but i guess there's always something good in everything that God planned right?
it was kinda exciting in the end.
being able to control my own vehicle on the road.
and no accidents.
plus my instructor is super funnyy.
he makes lessons super enjoyable.
and he said i am a quick learner.
ps: thats a first someone said to me.
which boosted my low self esteem alittle.
(although ger and fen both claim tt i dont have any problems with my self esteem :X )

mummy got a performance trip to germany(representing spore) coming up.
she's prep-ing for it with tons of late night practices.
that wld mean less mahjong sessions for her.
but i guess she's also having fun this wayy too.
music is in our blood.
i am kinda jealous abt it.
she still gets to pursue her passion at this age, plus the fact that..
she gets to tour europe, all expenses paid for and ALLOWANCE!
sighhhh.
if i werent that lazy when i was sec2,
i'll be in this band too and prolly prep-ing to go germany too.
but i am happy for her also la.
oh yess, if this trip is "successful"
she will get another invitation to russia.
wtf.

alrightess. the cyberworld is boring me to drowziness.

-Godsaysitstimetostartanew-

2007-04-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

HEH! this is the MEME-s which i find very interesting. and i decided to do it too.

1.YOUR REAL NAME
-shirin

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fist 3 letters of your name, plus izzle)
- shiizzle
[i love this name of mine!]

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three of your last)
- shiwon
[its jap!HAHA]

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
- whitedog
[sound like the paparazzi]

5.YOUR DRUNK NAME: (FIRST 3 LETTERS OF YOUR FIRST NAME, then slam your hand on the keyboard.)
- shigu
[fen loves this name loads]

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3letters of your last name, first 2letters of your first name, first 3letters of mom's name)
- wonshjan
[someone pronounce this for me please?]

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink)
- whitestrawberrymilkshake
["its a bird! its a plane! its whitestrawberrymilkshake!"]

8. IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your lastname, any letter of your middle name, 3rd letter of your moms maiden name, letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name)
- hniess
[is this even a word?]

9. ACT CUTE NAME: (write your fav animal and erase the last letter of it and plus a yoki behind )
- doyoki
[its not act cute okayy, it IS cute!]

10. SMELLY NAME: (write ur fav colour and plus a TOIL infront of it.)
- toilwhite
[i think i smell good.HAHA]

okayy this entertained me for the past 5mins. and my conclusion after this is,
i have a cool name,
or rather i have cool nameS. :)

2007-04-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

God invented this amazing thing called friendship.
it is the most difficult to maintain yet it is the best thing in life.
friends are treasures that He had bestowed upon us.
some people learn to cherish it and some people simply do not care.

it felt like acid splashed onto me.
the instant where it landed, it hurt like shit burning a hole in me.
after some time, the burning sensation still wldnt go away.
it continues to linger,
and the pain gets more and more intense.

and then the wound gets deeper and deeper.

thats how much your words had hurt me.

i really didnt expect you to say that.
if thats how you treat your friend,
i'm speechless.

but you know wad,
i no longer give a damn.
lead your life the way you want to,
i have no say and no rights.
you just take care
and all the best in your future endeavors.

so long ~~my friend~~.

2007-04-17T00:49:00.000+08:00

ha. i am starting to accept my braces.

and i think it doesnt look that bad after all.

just that,

for some apparent reasons my back teeth are still super weak.

making biting horrendous for me.
so till now, i am still swallowing everything i eat.

i think i should call my orthodontist soon to push forward my surgery.

anyways, went for my second kickboxing class today.

felt all my fats being worked out.

its good to exercise again after so long.

and i just realised elsa's been missing for the past week in japan.

and she will be back soon. :)

with my presents! :):):)

okayys. i am too tired to blog alr.

and i am so happy i met ger today.

though we spent so much again.

but nevertheless,

loves!

2007-04-13T00:42:00.000+08:00

its friday the 13th today.
okayy random.

i have my bracers on already.

yes. i look frigging U.G.L.Y.
goshhh. i am starting to regret my decision to put it.
though it wasnt much of my own decision. lol.

its painful.
i cannot bite.
tuay huays. whipped potato.
and more tauy huays and more whipped potato.
i cannot eat cold food for it frigging hurts.
its super miserable.
and i see people eating all the good food ard me.
mummy bought me whipped for dinner and she was chewing the chicken away infront of me.
and she was like, "you want?" holding the chicken in her hand.
wtf.

whats more.
i nearly died teaching my kid for an hr and a half.
my mouth was so tired and painful.
when will this period end man?

oh man. it'll be worst after my surgery.
-faints-

okayyys. i will pretty in no time.
i will try to keep that in mind.

7529522577464

and good bye.

2007-04-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

dear blog,

there are so many things that i wanna sayy right now. but i really dont know where to start from. maybe the dream was a preumonition. maybe it was meant to tell me something. it didnt actually occured to me until eudora mentioned.

love decided to take a turn and never return. but i hope i am still a luckyforturnatelovedlittlegirl.

you know. life is suppose to be fulfilling. its suppose to be interesting. its suppose to be life! but whyy does my life suck? whyy does it suck more and more each day? whyy am i perpeturely at the low point of the life curve? isnt the gradient suppose to increase? whyy do i feel screwed all the time?

and i finally know the reason whyy. maybe i always knew. i just refused to admit it. since we enjoy denying that we are in denial most of the time. and this time, i decided that i shld really walk away from it. walk away from the agonies. walk away from everything. maybe i am an escapist. but wtf. i dont care.

so blogg. i need some time off. maybe the braces period will give me the time i need. maybe i can discover the hidden lies, hidden secrets and perhaps, possible, the hidden truths along with the hidden feelings.

so good lucks.
and good bye.

love,
shir*

2007-03-30T19:45:00.000+08:00

whyy does things always happen the way it does?

one more step forward and i'll walk away.
i swear.

dont make me please.

2007-03-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

"breathing is good, breathing is your friend."
BREATHE!

i wanna go sgx.
please let me go.

i miss chze and dora.
let me calll you and scream please,
before i pull all my hair out.

i miss celeste.
i haven taught her for a week. haven seen her smile. haven seen her work.
man, she makes me love teaching.
i hope she will be well by tml's lesson.

i miss school.

and i screamed at daddy today :(

2007-03-21T04:01:00.000+08:00

its 4am in the morning and i am still awake.
whyy is that so my dear blog?

because this stupid convo popped up in my com.
and guess who.
someone i hadnt talk to for 2 years, or maybe more?
ger cldnt stop laughing when i told her tt neville spoke to me.
and it made her damn awake too.

i cant even rmb how he looks like.
but i can rmb how they used to make fun of me because of him. oh faints.
anyways thats my secondary school memories haunting me.
being the nice me (as usual), i entertained him till now.
letting him ramble on about his confused self and i replying at suitable places.
maybe i shld really consider being some consultant in the future man.

he continues..

i shall try to get out of it and get some sleep.
i am still TRYING to do something about those eyerings.

nighteynightsblog.

i love this song loads
all i wanna do is find a way back into love
i cant make it through without a way back into love.
and if i open my heart to you,
i'm hoping you'll show me what to do.
and if you help me to start again,
you know i'll be there for you till the end.

2007-03-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

i finally stayed at home today and be daddy's little girl.
though i refused to have lunch because i still feel bloated from ytd's dim sum dinner.
which pissed him off alittle.
but nevertheless,i was finally at home.

i wonder whats so attractive about diamonds man.
my mum spent close to 10k on a frigging bracelet and she only wears it like once in how long.
i swear i have a crazy mum.
who has like 4-5 colours on her hair (including the white one).
anyways, i got scolded for being spoilt.
again
they never get sick of it man.
i wonder whyy.
and i wonder more, daddy spoils me with practical things less than 1k and my mummy spoils herself with an impractical bracelet for 10k.
who's more spoilt?
then again, i dont pay for it myself.
oh whatever.
i'll get used to it one day.

and i am so glad i stayed home today.
though i was quite sad we didnt get to meet.
but there's always another day right?
anyways, today was a great day to stay home man.
i finally watched the last episode of my hongkong show.
with compliments from rach.
and i watched phathom.
and i watched the charity show.
talking about tt,
everytime i watch tt show it makes me realised how fortunate i am.
and those out there who is suffering just lives a street across me man.
ohwells. i played my part by calling!
though its not me who is paying la.
and i finally caught a full episode of ugly betty.
watching tv can suddenly be a luxury to me.

man. i need to do something about my dark eye rings.
shitified.

one day.
i wanna switch identities with her.
let her know how it feels to be me and let me know how it feels to be her.
i guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
i wouldnt deny that i am fortunate and loved.
but there are some things that no one understands.
and so give me some space to breathe please.

cherish me or let me go.
take your pick.

2007-03-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

i figured whyy i am so tired alr.
i spend most of my energy and time thinking about the same thing over and over again.
and i still haven came up with an answer.
i really dunno how i should solve this.
maybe i shouldnt have gotten involved in the first place.
but now that i am,
how am i suppose to get out of it?

in my desperate attempts to find the password back.
i went through all the chat logs in my com.
sadly, i still couldnt find it.
and even more sadly, i stumbled upon convos that shldnt even be in my com anymore.
arghhhh.
life is starting to suck again.

i am tired.really tired.
i feel like i need to sleep forever.
do i sound like i am going to kill myself? lol.
wells, i am not so dumb.
but i really do need a good long rest and dreamless nights.
when will this ever end?

05s76 blog: www.sseventysix.blogspot.com
do check for updates on the latest class gathering my dearest classmates.
drop me a tag if you want login username and password.

2007-03-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

today is my lucky day (according to ger)
lucky me got a ride to the driving centre by ger's cousin.
unlucky us got driven to the wrong centre.
lucky us met early so we had time to go back to the right one.
though we ended up 15mins late.
SMART us passed our btt! :)
lucky me get to print my results slip easily and unlucky her cldnt print hers.
but since she was with the lucky me,
some ah bengs managed to help her print it too.
so lucky her! LOL

so anyways, we wore the same colour shirt
and we shopped like mad.
i bought like another 2 tops when i just bought 1 ytd.
i need to do something about the shopaholic me man.
shit!

my beloved cousin is going to bring me to mayday's concert.
and dearest daddy is pissed with me for staying out late everyday.
hopefully i wont get grounded once again.
i am going to be a good girl and stay at home tml other than going for tuition.
i haven seen my mummy for 5 days in a row.

my room is currently still messy,
and it reflects my life.
i am so going to pack it tml and hope that my life will then take a better turn.

i am getting my new phone on thurs.
hopefully the stock comes by then.
and my m1 number will be officially not in use with effect of 14th march 2007.

2007-03-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

it must be my retribution.
a few hours ago i was "boosting" to elsa how great my day went as she complains about how horrible hers was.
and in the last few hours of this day,
mine took for a horrible turn.

so the great part.
i met cheryl tan. caught up with mich. learntt the very chim physics part of playing pool from jeff.met dearest elsa after a long time. saw lili at bishan. and yang being back so we can finally meet up after a long time.

the horrid part.
i didnt study for my btt.i am super tired.i spent money even without earning any.i missed my last episode of my hongkong show and desperate housewives.my family refused to speak to me and i dunno whyy.other my dad who ended up screaming at me.

okays.thats it.
i am tired and i need to sleep.
wish me lucks for my btt bloggie!

2007-03-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

first of all.
to everyone who is wondering,
i did fairly okay. not bad to the extend you imagine.
i felt horrendous because i felt like a disappointment to the he who loves me so dearly.

second.
to all those who failed to receive my replies.
i am sorry and also, just to let you know, your love was delievered to me successfully.

because of this hard fall,
i found out whats true love.
true love is never abandoning me when i needed someone.
true love is finding means and ways to cheer me up.
true love is allowing me to fall so hard but will be there to plaster my wound.
true love is never mentioning what hurts me most but still holding my hand when i am willing to face it.
true love is giving me a tight hug and assuring me it will soon be over.
true love is reminding me of God's plan.
true love is keeping me in your prayers.
and to those who truely loves and cares for me,
you know who you are and i just wanna let you know you are much much appreciated and i love you just as much.

and to those who appeared to care as well,
at least you attempted. :)

i've lost it.
officially.
it was never a spot to be touched again.
but you found your way.
wow!
Hallelujah.

i so need a grip right now.

and no,
not ready and not interested in any social gathering.

youwerestilltheoneiturnedto.
butyouturnedyourbackonme.
igetthehint.
iwontturnbacknomore.
farewell.

2007-02-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

i was happy with my life the way it was.
only when i heard the news at work on monday,
it started to change.
living in fear and anxiety everyday.
being the only thing that lingers in my mind.
being the only thing that people say to me.

has it ever occur to you that sometimes i need your support?
has it ever occur to you that you mocking at me makes me feel worse?
and has it ever occur to you that all i wanted from you is a word of comfort?

you never knew what i needed and what i wanted.
all you know is to pin all your hopes on me,
wanting me to do what seems right to you,
restricting what i want to do instead.
the more hopes you pin on me,
the more i will disappoint you.
dont you get it?

perhaps, just perhaps, this time is the only time i get to let you know that what you want from me is not what i want for myself.

faith.

2007-02-05T07:07:00.000+08:00

you know what i miss about you?

your understanding.

where did it all go to?

i'll never find it back.

better off as msn friends

2007-02-05T02:12:00.000+08:00

MAN!
my taste was real bad in the past.
now i realised.
my teddy became ugly.
or was he ugly from the very beginning?

does a carefree life really do exist?
or did i merely took it for granted?

well at least i did make the best out of my taitai life.
hundred over bucks facial.
manicures.
shopping.
platinum.
what more can i ask for?

i know.

my ~~licence~~ chauffeur!
i think my dad has decided to quit being one.
maybe i should find myself a sugar daddy.
or maybe a rich boyfriend with a posh car?

wells, its always nice to dream.
right?

i love my hair now.
though it aint suppose to turn out this way.

i love my closet.
though it is still not filled with enough clothes.

i love my lap.
though it is not what i wanted.

i love my phone.
though i'm changing it soon.
but HE has the same phone as me. :D

i love my kids.
though they make my blood boil.
but they teach me patience.

i love my job.
wait!
i dont have one.
and thats whyy i love it.

basically,
i love my life.
i'm lovin' it.
balabababa

cheers! :)
my "boyfriend" won!
HEEHEEHEE

2007-02-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

i found my perfect man!

he has the perfect body.
he is talented.
and he is GAWD DAMN good looking.

such man do exist in the world!

he plays hell loads of music instruments.
he has the build.
he is super duper devoted to this particular girl.
he can write songs.
he can sing.
and he is GAWD DAMN cute.

he can dance.

he is humourous.
he has his manly side,
and also his boysish side.

he makes me gush!
and i'd kill to be that girl.

he has the coolest band in the world
(besides shania twain).

and he is non other than
wang lee hom.

-faints-

2007-01-29T23:27:00.001+08:00

i feel so introverted today.
i spoke less than 10 sentences to anyone.
other than "business" calls,
i didnt say anything to anyone.
is there something wrong with me?

tampines ikea is sure huge.
i prefer the alexander branch better.
but as usual, i had fun.
i would always imagine how i would design my house in the future,
and having thoughts of refurnishing my room.
impulsive buys for unneccessary stuff.
AGAIN!
i bought a black pillow.
dont ask me whyy.

it was definitely nice to catch up with old friends.
though it wasnt what i would prefer.
long story.
but i guess i cant always have the best of both worlds.

in the midst of redesigning my blogskin.
i came across alot of pictures.
and i just realise how funny it is that we arent what we seem to be.
people always say a picture spoke a thousand words.
but did it speak of reality?

pictures hold memories.
memories that can never be replaced.
and no matter how much i wanna be there again,
its impossible.
turn back time to that moment,
or that many particular moments.
moments we didnt learn to cherish.
people we didnt learn to appreciate.

and now we can only look at the pictures,
let out a gentle sigh
and smile while reminiscing the past.
or
cry while looking at certain particular photos.
let out all your miseries.
cry for hours and let no one else but yourself know how miserable you were.
dry those tears
keep the photo in where it should belong and shall never be seen again
and move on.
thats the reality and harshness of life.

open the eyes of my heart,Lord.

first lesson of 2007
i've learn to take things in my stride.
learn to slow down my pace.
learn to appreciate,
learn to love
and to be loved.
:)

2007-01-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

this neighbourhood is getting more and more dangerous to live in.
consecutive nights i go home in fright.
what has become of this once friendly and familiar neighbourhood?
damn.

i just gave up my thai kid.
yea i am glad but i so she bu de. :(
she is so cute!
but ohwells,
i love my other teachable kids more. :)

talks and talks about further education.
do i really wanna do what i wanna do?
will i end up doing what i wanna do,
or will i end up doing what i can do?
questions that will only be answered after the very big day,
which is not far away.
i'll leave it in God's hands.
He will plan what is best for me. :)

to my dearest michie and rachie,
i miss you.

okays. enjoy and love the life i am living.
for this is what i deserve.
i've finally earned it for myself.
celebrate for me folks!
i am loving every single bit of it. :)

2007-01-02T01:37:00.000+08:00

a new beginning

its finally 2007.
two years in sa flew pass just like that.

spent my new year's eve with my dearest elsa and counted down together while watching vcds.
the right company to start the year right :)
jeff came over after his countdown and he was all red from drinking.
its the first time i seen him like that.
i'm sure he was drunk.lol

they stayed over and we had to cramp in this small pathetic room of mine.
okays.maybe it was only me and elsa who was feeling cramp since jeff gets a whole bed to himself.
anyways, we then head on down to downtown east in the afternoon for a day of fun at the amusement park aka escape theme park.

it was so exciting to spend my new year's day there.
initially we thought that there wont be many people since kids are preparing for school reopen on the 2nd. but we didnt realise that the 2nd is also a holiday.
and so, there were a lot of people.

starting time: 3++pm.
took almost all the rides to make our 6bucks worth.
the most scary ride was the revolution.
nearly killed me man.
i screamed till i thought my face would burst.=X
but it was damn shiok! :))))

the most fun ride was rainbow.
it wasnt scary but i was so afraid elsa would fly off cause her butt just couldnt stay on the seat.

tried their haunted house for the first time.
it wasnt scary at all la. i think elsa was the one scaring people instead.
screaming when no one else is screaming,
similar to her laughing habit in the cinemas.LOL

and that stupid girl was so lucky to win the first prize in the "spin and win" game with her free coupon.
though the first prize was an ugly bear, but it was a good sign for a new year huh.

the long day ended with the last ride - wet and wild
which obviously will get us drenched.
the gay kerwin didnt want to take the ride cause he was afraid of getting his shirt and jeans wet and the even more gay jeff refused to take the ride alone.
so ended up, only me and elsa took it.
ending time: 8pm

we were wet from top to toe after that ride.
went for dinner and headed home in our drenched clothes.
i nearly froze to death on the bus la.
but i made it home alive to blog! =)

i am so happy today.
scream all your agonies away!
and start a brand new year with no worries and miseries!

i realised in the afternoon today that daddy is still giving me allowance and so technically, i dont have to work.
and while i was watchin tv with daddy just now,
he mentioned once again for me to learn driving.

-the first convo we had on the 28th-
me: daddy, you owe me 15bucks for cab fare last night.
dad: so ex ah?
me: midnight charge wad.
dad: you ah! only know how to play till wee hours of the day! whyy dont you go learn driving instead?
me: (as i take 20bucks from his wallet) for what? got you to send me around can alr wad.
dad: but when i am not free then you have to take cab.
me: then take lo. you pay what!
dad: thats whyy i rather you learn driving!
me: learn also no use. no car drive what?!
-end of convo-

-today's convo-
me: daddy, send me to the airport tml morning. i am sending my friend off.
dad: -cracks some lame joke-
me: not funny leh!
dad: what time do you have to be there?
me: 930am
dad: wake me up lo.
me: okays.
dad:(after 15mins)so have you taken up driving lessons?
me: uhh NO?!
dad: whyy dont you go take up driving?
me: you pay ah?
dad: of course la! then?!
me: okay lo!

conclusion: i am taking up driving and not looking for jobs that urgently anymore.

***

new year resolutions:

1. do a good deed everyday

2. learn a new skill

3. learn a new musical instrument

4. learn driving

5. join cnl

6. be nice
7. -secret-
8. keep in contact with as many people as possible
9. save money!
10. do upon others what you want them to do upon you

2007-01-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

the month of december

birthdays and more birthdays!

**
no1: jingxiu - 13th

wells.this ~~stupid~~ fortunate girl get to spend her birthday in paris/switzerland. so we had to celebrate for her in advance.

plan: to surprise her at the airport before she flies off on the 11th.

with ken as our spy, we successfully got the info of her flight without her suspicions. with all the white lies we said, never did she expect us to all be at the airport. awaiting at the door for her arrival.

and then she enters, we sing happy birthday and caught her in surprise! had dinner at sakae and off she goes.

swiss bake: chocolate truffle

**

no2: ME ME ME and ME! - 14th

i dont know the plan.ask the rest!
but i shall blog about my day.

the day started with tuition and absolutely no plans for the afternoon. had this horrible feeling that my day is going to be a boring one. but then, elsa kept smsing me to go home after tuition. but my house is so out of the way la. and i was alr all dressed for a day out. until she had to tell me that she is alr outside my house to drop my huge present but no one's home to open the door for her, i had no choice but to go home.

although i had a feeling that they were going to be at my house but i didnt think it would be possible cause they wont have keysss. and no one is home. and so i elimated that thought and innocently believe that elsa was just there to drop my present.

opened my door. and i see my pooh bear sitting on the computer chair infront of the door carrying the sign "go to the kitchen"

my kitchen door was close too. opened the door. and see a table of homecooked dishes. and a sign "go to your room darling"
oh yes, i exclaimed, "oh my gawd!" when i saw the table of dishes.

this time, i was expecting sistas to be in my room. and so i carefully opened my room door. and it was empty. with the same mess i left behind before leaving the house with a whole bed filled with clothes. and then, i hear "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" from behind and i see my three darlings. :)

arent they sweet? they ganged up with my sister to let them into the house cause apparently elsa has my sister's no. and they cooked a whole lot of food for me. so anyways, swiss bake wasnt open in the morning, so i didnt get my swiss. but its alright! i was satisfied with what they prepared and couldnt ask for any better!

OH! and i didnt notice the jacket (my present from them) that they wore on my pooh at the door until they told me.

took a whole lot of retarded photos. and then i headed out to meet ger and qy for tea. met at swensens but i was too full to eat alr so they went ahead to have lunch w/o me while i was late.

and they arranged for the waiteress to serve me my birthday ice cream with a candle and my huge present.

and so a whole group of waitresses came to sing me a birthday song. felt so honoured! thanks dears!

and then it was time to go down for dinner with jacky. ger travelled to city hall with me to meet kent. decided on marche for dinner. and then coincidently, i met liqi and her bf and mich and marvin at suntec. in the end, li and her bf turned up at marche for dinner and so did ger and kent. LOL.

stayed at marche for a period of time and then, i hear people singing birthday song from behind. turned around and i see all friends. oh gosh! sistas, marvin, jeff and ker. they were holding a swiss bake in their hands.this time i was really really touched. i didnt know what to say. and they arranged with jacky to come for dinner because they felt that they should give me my swiss. HOW SWEEETTT!

day ended not long later. thank you everyone for making my 18th such a special one. its the best birthday i had in 18 years! :) i love you ALL!
swissbake: mango something.

thats me in my pretty jacket from sistas! :)

girls i love so much and spent countless birthdays with. :))

presents received on the 14th.

thats me with my substitute cake!

**

no3: michelle - 15th

it was the fateful day that me, elsa and jeff had to work for the motorala roadshow. so we couldnt celebrate it with her. that was a pity.but we still had to do something special for our dearest girl.
plan: to arrange for dinner for her with her sec school good friends, weijie and i dont know the rest of their names. and surprise her with EIGHTEEN presents at dinner.
unfortunately, there was nothing me and elsa could do to help cause we had to work. so rach had to comb town with ker and zhenyang to get all 18 presents.
and so, i coordinated with weijie for them to have dinner at swensens and we were at the starbucks next door. we slowly sent a present one by one to the waiter for him to pass it to michelle tan at table3. the funny thing was they were sitting right at the door but the brainless mich still didnt spot rach. lol.
the presents we gave all started with the letter M. and we gave mich the impression that it was by a secret admirer since she has tons of them. hahas.
by the time it was the 18th gift, the swiss bake cake, we appeared at the restaurant and sang her a birthday song.
swissbake: chaMpagne

**

no4: elsa - 22nd
plan: since she likes to eat, we will arrange for candlelight dinner with her. she wasnt free in the afternoon and she had to go to her ah ma's house which made planning more difficult for us.
met in the afternoon to go grocery shopping to prepare EIGHTEEN dishes for her. spent the entire afternoon at ker's house to prepare everything and made a mess in the kitchen.
after all the dishes were cooked, we packed them properly and headed down to the destination - fort canning park. tj, ker and rach were fortunate to cab down while poor mich and me have to train to taka to get her swiss bake.
we dropped lightsticks along the way to guide our dear elsa to the destination. and the silly girl actually thought there was suppose to be 18 sticks. and then when she picked up more, she thought that there was suppose to be 22 sticks (since her bday is on the 22nd) and then as she picked up even more, she thought it was for a girl called mary. -.-
the place was set up for a "romantic" candlelight picnic. we attempted to light sparklers in the form of "happy bday elsa" but we realised it was too long and by the time it was done, all the sparklers would have died down. so we changed into a heart.
us being the smart us knew that we had to light the sparklers just before she came just in time for her to see it. so we got jeff to blindfold her with his hands and guide her down the stairs. could hear her screaming the entire way, the all so "romantic" feel was destroyed by her. but anyways, by the time she was here, the sparklers died off too and we gave up and just decided to hold the sparklers and sing happy birthday.
swissbake: opera

**

no5: rachel - 26th

initially we had many exciting plans for her. but due to last minute objections from rach's dad, we had to change plans.
plan: bring her to lunch and spend her day with her.
erm we realised that was nothing much we could do because it was too last minute and we didnt have much back up plans. so we brought her to the rich table for an expensive buffet. and got her a bikini as her present.
the only surprise we could give her was the appearance of jingx since we all didnt know when she was coming back exactly. in the end, jingx msged her to wish her happy birthday and in turn, announced that she was back in spore alr. -.-
so change plans. we lied to her that jingx was suppose to buy her present in switzerland and she was getting the cake. and in the end, jingx forgot both. we already gave the cake to the waiters of the restaurant and got them to light it up when the time is right. in the end, they light it right in front of rach and there goes the surprise. -.-
the thing that was really special was that we had the entire restaurant to ourselves. it felt like booked the whole place or something. after lunch we headed to cine with the intention to watch a movie but we ended up rotting in tcc. to kill time, we took hell loads of stupid photos and we realised we had to entertain the guys too. so we played the macdonalds game and jeff was crowned the king of macdonalds.
swissbake: chocolate truffle log cake.

**

a very special 18th for all of us indeed!

ps: i'm really too lazy to load all the photos for all the birthdays. and since rach's has all in her blog other than my birthday. i loaded mine! :D

2006-12-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

class christmas gathering 2006 - 27th dec 2006

okays i know i am suppose to blog about sista's bdays,
but since i haven got all the photos.
that shall wait first.

i stepped into the shower,
the entire day re-enact itself while the water runs.

**

a horrible tuition session with my kid as he still couldnt get his multiplication table right.
i had to repeat over and over and over again.
when i could actually teach him new things.
ohwells.
lucky it wasnt raining in the morning man!

rush down to the office to complete the tasks on hand.
i swear my boss aka my sister is a b****
totally ruin my day!
so what if you are paying me man?
i am bloody hell under paid for the jobs i do la.
i realised i had to send 139 calendars plus plus to the post office to get it sent all by myself.
it was so gawd damn heavy,
and none of the look-so-gentlemanly-collegues bothered to lend a hand.
so i had to go two trips lo.
ended up i found the nearest post box on my first trip and managed to squeeze everything i had with me in.
OH! and my boss didnt have paper bags for me to transport those calendars.
i had to ~~steal~~ borrow it from her collegue.
wells, the post box was already full when i had to go for my second trip and so,
i had to find my way to the post office which i had no idea where is it
because my brainless boss doesnt know how to give directions.
and i was so running late.
so i carried two huge bags of calendars around and no kind singaporeans lend a helping hand.
anyways, the only good thing that happened in the office today is my encounter with the ron ng look alike PA.
damn he was cute! i only spotted him when i turned around to leave office.
ohwells.
today was probably his first day at work and its my last.
no fate. LOL

and i sat the coolest bus in singapore today man.
its like a chillout bar.
damn cool!
its bus 162 if anyone is interested to find it.
i nearly tot i got up the wrong bus.

so i finally got to taka to get the cake and the stuff that i needed to get.
and headed down to jeremy's place.

dinner was alright.
but i didnt eat much since pizza is not really my kind of food.
the best part of today was meeting up with everyone.
just chilling and talk.
it amuses me that the first qn we ask now is, "where are you working at now?"
when just merely a few months ago we were asking, "where's tutorial at?"
i saw the first guy in my class botak - shane!
damn cute la.

it finally occured to me that soon, we will all embark on our new life journeys soon.
many will lose touch, but hopefully wont be forgotten.
i am once again opening a new chapter of my life.
a chapter which i myself have no idea how to write it.
two years back when i opened this current chapter,
i knew i was in for a whole lot of fun and stress.
now, i dont know what i am in for.

so in my own attempt of trying to close this story before 2007,
i still gave the letter as much as i didnt want to.
wells, its a christmas exclusive la.
i dont know if i did the right thing.
but i do know that being good friends again after tonight will be difficult.

i really dont know what is the right thing to do.
follow your heart,
yeah right. it leads you to doom.
anyways, i didnt know what to do,i didnt know the reason,
all i knew was that i didnt want you to face it all alone.
my gut says follow and so i did.
and apparently it was the wrong choice.
ohwells.

record breaking.
shirin walked from macritchie to thomson in her heels.
finally stopped at the bus stop at thomson plaza.
i wondered how long i sat there man.
rain started pouring and thomson was flooded.
it felt like the angels was feeling how i was feeling exactly and they cried on my behalf because my tear ducts were quite stubborn.

the long and cold night ended after i cabbed home.
upon reaching my door step,
mummy opened the door for me and guess what was the first thing she said?
(translated) "all you know is to play! dont need to work already la?!"
like excuse me!
hell i am working and i dont play all day.
and do i need to announce to you that i am feeling utterly lousy?
and thanks for making it worst.

**

stepped into the bathroom the moment i got home and clock reads 125am.
after the re-enactment,
the clock reads 145am.
and all i did was to let water run over my head.

now i am lying on my bed.
blogging while waiting for my hair to dry.
and i am gawd damn tired.
but i just cant get to sleep.
once again,
its another sleepless night.

goodnights bloggg.

byebye my friend.
the moment when we parted is where our paths will never cross again.

2006-12-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

christmas is in like two days,
but how come the excitement wore off already?
christmas is no longer exciting :(

wells, i just completed two presents.
four more to go! plus one?
i doubt they'll be able to get it on christmas though,
new year maybe?

everyone's pms-ing today.
and so am i.
i get irritated easily today.
maybe cause its my only rest day and people just wont get off my back.

okays.
i admit it.
i am worried,
yes i am.
and maybe thats what's irritating me the most.
arghh!

oh gosh!
i am feeling fatter each day.
i really need to lose some weight man.
diet plan starts after christmas.
hmmm. or maybe tomorrow?

anyways, i just told my mummy i dont want the job at her office.
she's disappointed.
i know she is.
but too bad,
the pay is not as high as i expected and i know there'll be better job prospects out there somewhere.
wells, i HOPE at least.

i cant wait for this year to come to an end.
if only i can forward time.
sighs.

please tell me you're alright soon.
its killing me.

2006-12-23T02:06:00.000+08:00

its been a long long time since i last blogged.
mich is complaining.LOL

i really have the urge to blog about all the birthdays.
but i shall wait,
wait till the last birthday!
stay tuned! =D

not a december i wanted.
so much been happening.
its so tiring man.
i never seem to get enough sleep these days.
a hectic month that i can barely remember wad i did the day before.

i wish things dont have to turn out the way it did.
but it already did.
so now i wish that things will only get better with each and everyday.
santa, thats my only wish this year.
please let it come true!

and i am seriously broke this month.
with grad night, sistas bdays and xmas,
i declare,
shirin is officially penniless.

okays. time for bed.
nighhhhttttssss

2006-12-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

i have been staying home since friday.
wells, the feeling of having nothing to do rocks! :)
i am enjoying it while it last since i officially start work on monday. :(
dont ask me whats my job because i am currently holding alot on hand.
i am going to be one busy woman.
heee heee!

ahhhh!
i was just deleting msges from my inbox when i realised i haven replied anyone who msged me ytd afternoon(and thats coz i was sleeping)
and surprisingly, there was a msg abt SPICE outing with Sir.
oh gosh!
i totally forgot abt it.
Sir's been wanting to treat us to swensens since emmanuel this yr,
or was it since we graduated?
hmmmmmm..
anyways, i really miss him.
miss band pracs with him.
miss the scary times he sat next to me testing me.
miss the times he make me play the tuning note over and over again.
ohwells.
and CNL totally slipped off my mind!
sorry ally! i promise i will go for CNL prac with you one day.

was clearing up my room on fri.
i threw away 4 big paper bags of stuff!
didnt know my room was filled with so much rubbish. =x
anyways, i came across my music file,
hidden somewhere in my cupboard.
and the score of "chorale and shaker dance II" fell off.
somehow or another,
maybe it was God's doing,
my mp3 started playing that.
it was my syf piece.
i cldnt help it but started tearing.
i can still rmb us singing "one voice" on the bus.
meeting ralph hulgren (is that how you spell?) at the doors of victoria concert hall and him greeting us and wishing us lucks.
me breaking my reed just before the performance.
and then i saw the syf photo.
oh my goodness!
i looked so toot can.
there was even a close up on the three of us and i was gawd damn ugly.
but whatever.
those were the times.
i even managed to find my colours award cert!
ohwells. i have graduated from that band for abt 2 years now.
i am indeed old.

i cant wait to go back to pl to teach!
(hopefully i get posted there)
and i'll get to see the new compound!

christmas is coming!
and everyone's bday is coming!
oh man! how i wish money would fall from the sky.

in one life time,
when people meet,
the souls would rmb all the souls of those they meet.
family, friends and even enemies.
and in the next life time,
the souls will still recognise each other and there will a sense of familiarity.
and thats whyy,

you will keep meeting the same few souls(same few people) in all your life times.
and thats how soulmates come about.
:)

2006-12-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

i got my first assignment this morning!
so exciting! :)
though the pay aint that good but i guess i am doing a good deed helping the poor little boy.

and guess wad!
i have no idea where his place is.
been frantically searching online but to no avail.
anyways, hopefully i'll be street smart enough tml to find my way.

i hope my sore throat recovers by tonight man.
and i hope my nose stops running by tonight too.
how in the world am i suppose to teach under such conditions.
oh God, please do your wonders tonight.

went to hougang mall to browse through the primary school syllabus today.
OMG! what are the kids learning these days?
i didnt even know that pluto is not in the solar system now till today.
okays and maybe thats cause i hated the solar system since primary school.
and they are learning what i learnt in secondary 1?
oh man, i feel so old.
and my chinese seriously suck la.
how did i get my a1 and b3?!
hopefully i can really help the poor boy.

was looking at all the prom photos after i finally uploaded them.
i looked awful in all of them!
oh gawd!
the pathetic 4hrs of sleep before grad night made my eyes smaller than it already is!
-faints-
ohwells, wad is done cannot be undone.

okay i am still damn lazy to load the photos up.
another day.

i've thought about my birthday wish already.
i am still going to make the same one this year.
i will keep making it until it comes true one day.
and i have tuition on my birthday!
yikes! wells, at least its only 1.5hrs in the morning.

i think i shld go to bed soon.
i better recover by tonight.

2006-12-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

everybody is probably blogging about it now - grad night '06
wells, mine didnt go all that smoothly la.
i think its my bad kharmas.
i should start doing good deeds these days man.
anyways, problems started arising from the day before the night itself already.
from hotel. to cab. to make up. to manicure and pedicure.
list goes on.

prayed the night before i went to bed for a great grad night ahead of me.
then problems arise again.
the same list goes on.
totally ruined my mood terribly.
went in a three-quarter stressed mood and a one-quarter exciting mood.
okays.the end of the bad part. (for now)

the good part.
almost everyone looked fabulous in their outfits.
snaps after snaps.
you see flashes everywhere.
i just cant stop taking photos,
but then again,
for most of the photos, its just a copy and paste of my look with another person.=X

05122006- shir's very "fateful" day
i am starting to believe in fate more and more.
fate brought us thus far,
and i hope it wldnt stop right now.
crossing my fingers on that.
its wonders how fate works.

so anyways, the night went on like how it should.
no accidents no nothing.
and nobody wore the same dress as me!
like phew!

paid 65bucks for the dinner but ate like absolutely nothing there.
it wasnt appealing enough to me.
and dont tell my dad that.
he'll kill me.

at least there were people who praised me about my look.
thats really a consolation for all the trama i went through for this night.
thanks! :)

yea and in just one night,
it marks the end of my life in sa.
i felt a gush of overwhelming emotions while watching the clip.
a sudden strong sense of patriotism when singing the school anthem for the last time.
dancing on the dance floor like the end of orientation - which in fact marked the beginning of my sa life.
it ended like how it begun.
and thats it.
we move on in life with another new beginning.

i was glad my class went out as a class tgt after the night.
although i was bored shitlesss there,
but i really appreciated that night out.
its a night i wldnt forget.
hardly any other class would go out with 20 over people(probably only those going for post prom).
yea and that is whyy i love my class so much!
cant wait to see everyone again on christmas! :)

wells, me being me,
didnt bring anything to keep me warm the entire night knowing that i was afraid of the cold.
and ended up borrowing jeff's coat,
which didnt work because now i am down with a terrible cold and my nose just wont stop running.
and with a horrible sore throat from all that cheering.
is this another bad kharma?

okays.i haven exactly slpt since morning when everyone else is already sleeping the moment they got home.
i think its my turn now.
i am too lazy to load the photos today.=X

oh yes! i am suppose to blog about jeff getting drunk over a bottle of hooch.
okays. so maybe 90% of that is not true.
but nevertheless!

alrights.
till then!
:)

2006-12-03T17:36:00.000+08:00

i've finally recovered my lap and i'm finally online.
waited like close to a week to get it back.
its all about pride.

i guess i wasnt discipline enough to keep to what i said.
or perhaps i said it out of anger and thats whyy i didnt mean it.

life goes on after the horrible incident.
the only thing that has changed is my attitude towards her.
towards everyone else who loves her.
she felt it. so did everyone else.
they claimed that i have a problem,
but they didnt question if they have a problem.

if something goes wrong,
its always my fault.
whyy?
because i am not as perfect as she is,
i am not as smart as she is,
i am not as capable as she is,
the list goes on.
i am never comparable to her.
so whyy dun you stop comparing and give me a break?

or maybe its because i am the youngest.
its aways easier to blame the youngest since she has no right to retaliate.

and who are you to claim away my rights?
you are merely someone who came to this earth earlier than me by afew years.

its not as if i wasnt stress enough during As when i had an expectation to live up to.
now that its after As,
i still have to live up to all your other expectations.
whyy make my life so stressful and miserable?
i dun think i am any different from the other two.
but how come the amount of stress and expectations i get is equal to the total amount you give to both of them?

if it was an accident,
then you should have erected the accident.
it saves you alot of trouble,
it saves you alot of money,
and it saves me alot of misery.
i bet it would save all the rest of you alot of misery as well.

as days goes on,
and the more i see you,
the more i am determined to run away from this horrible life.
maybe things are getting worst during the holidays,
since it erks you that i am always at home with nothing to do.
but here's the irony,
when i am around, you feel irritated and want me out.
when i am out all day, you feel irritated that i am not around.
so tell me what you do you really want.

okays,
so maybe i've contained it too long resulting in such explosion on this blog.
but hey, its my online diary righht
i have every right to complain in it.
since this is one she can never claim away from me.

regarding someone and something else,
i am really really sorry.
maybe this incident is the bad kharma i get for being like this.
but seriously, dun waste your time and effort.
i dun want this to be the fourth time.

2006-11-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

this is so getting on my nerves.
excuse me,
you are the one who's seeking help from me and this is the kind of attitude i get.
like wtf!

okays. 1 more week to go
and i am so dead.
if i cant find anything in time,
i am so not going.

do you believe in fate?

it felt so real.
so real that i really did believe you
and the alarm rang,
opened my eyes and realised
its just a dream.
a dream that i thank God its not true.

2006-11-22T03:47:00.000+08:00

its amazing how life works.

learn to let go of the things in your hands
and you'll then be able to grab hold of something new and better

thats cause you will not be able to hold on to anything with your hands filled.
be patient and something great will come your way when the time is right.

have i learnt that?

2006-11-20T03:41:00.000+08:00

wrong songs are playing on the playlist called 'random'
sigh.

familiar tunes which unlocked the door to memory lane.

ohwells.

i'll continue to keep you in my prayers.

2006-11-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

this is the first entry i'm blogging on my new lappy.
and its also the first after As!! :)

its nice to be sitting in my own private space
and not having to worry about studying.
its such a huge relief.

then again,
now that As is over, i feel kinda lost.
i dunno what to do everyday (besides the days that i have plans)
as in, it feels weird not having to study.
and i dunno what to expect in the near future.
it didnt feel like that after Os then
but i guess thats cause i knew i was going to a jc.
so now what?

okays.so anyways, the As have officially ended for me.
i screwed it up big time!
was still thinking of throwing away all my notes but i'm thinking twice about it now.
scarli i have to retake as private candidate next yr. =X
ohwells. i shouldnt be thinking about it now.

so anyways, i finally caught step up.
its really a good show!
besides the fact that channing tatum is really charming.lol
its a must watch!

there's so many things that i wanna do now
but i have no idea where to start from.

as for now,
watching tv is a luxury!

alrights! i haven exactly slept since thursday's night other than a few hours of napping here and there.
i really need my beauty sleep before going to the airport to pick my beloved sister and see what she got me this time. hee!

ps to slut, bitch and vixen: i'll post up the photos the next entry and that includes some1's unglam photo while sleeping. =X

is it time to tie it up now?

2006-10-20T00:32:00.000+08:00

louis is so horrible.
i watched the prestige today all under the influence of him.=X
BUT.
oh man, the show sure rocks!
catch it if you can!

as usual.
i'm random.
and i kept thinking about the show.
dont you think life's all about deceiving?
i mean, who haven you lied to?
and who are you backstage?

its saddening to know that there's someone out there who you have been nothing but honest with and (s)he has never been true to you.
i realised,
the person you trust most may be the person who'll hurt you most.
does it mean there's no one, absolutely no one out there who i can trust?
as you trust the person more each day,
the risk of getting hurt is directly proportional to that.
so how can you tell if a person is real or not?
or is (s)he a magician who is good at disguising?

and who do you show the real side of you to?

DO you even know who is the real you?

life's all about deceiving.
you are just a bag of lies.

2006-10-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people lie to me.
i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!

YOU of all people.
YIKES!

poor elsa has to take all my whinings today.
wells, my sister said she's nice.
she HAS to live up to that label.lol.

though this is nothing new,
but i still think i shld tell everyone.
elsa ate TWO burgers from mos today,
after a spicy chicken at pastamania
which was after a bao, a chocolate bar, a tehsi and a kopi.

isnt she great?
lol.

random.
was staring at this guy on the bus today who looked pretty much like k.
was thinking if he's his bro who i cant rmb the name.
and then!
it came to my mind that if i had to live the rest of my life with a guy who looked like that,
i'll kill myself.
and then,
the guy turned to stared at me as i boarded the bus.
wonders if he's really his bro who recognises me too. =X

so anyways,
have you ever wondered what kind of look you would like to live the rest of your life with?
when you wake up,
turn around and its that face everyday.
omg! thats so scary.
i wonder whyy my mummy chose my daddy. =X

join the AJP?

2006-10-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

BACK OFF!

I HATE YOU!
WHYY ARE WE RELATED BY BLLOD?
SO MUCH OF BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.
RIGGGHHTT.

sometimes i wish you would say you love me and whatever happens,
you'll always be supporting me.
and sometimes i wish you'll just understand how much pressure i am under right now,
and tell me that everything is okay.
sometimes i wish you would stop looking down on me
because i dont want to disappoint you as much as you are already disappointed
by the fact that i am already stupid.
pleaseeeee...
just let me feel that i'm home
and that i am not alone.

whyy do i wanna runaway these days?
whyy am i always not happy at home?
have you ponder over that before?

STOP PRESSURIZING ME!
I HAD ENOUGH OF STRESS TO KILL ALREADY.

JUST GO AND SLEEP WILL YOU?
AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

2006-10-17T03:08:00.000+08:00

here's the pretty chocolates from elsa.
which i stupidly mistaken it to be for jacky.=X
anyways, thanks dear! :)

okay.i am a runaway kid.
i want to run away from home.
run away from reality.
run away to my very own world.
run to a land where there's only me and you.
run to a place where i dont feel stupid not knowing how to do a simple physics mcq.
run to somewhere where stress does not belong,
run to a place called heaven.

when the world seem to be crashing down on me,
i was too focus on me, me, me and more me,
i failed to see those who care.

to those who care and made me smile yesterday when my world was down,
you are much much appreciated.

[dora] i know i can always count on you!
thanks for making me believe again. :)

[elsa] you're such a sweets! though i never said that to you before,
but really, i love you LOADS! :)

[louis] thanks for your "healthy" advices that came unexpectedly :)

[jingxiu] your random msges always come at the right time to let me know that i'm not alone.
I LOVE YOU TOO! :)

[jacky] i dunno how to express it, i'm not as experienced as your best friend.LOL! but really, thank YOU for everything, for all your retardedness and your idiotic-ness, and inclusive of that, though i hate to admit it,
you REALLY ROCK! :)

[geraldine] you never fail to make me laugh retardedly no matter how down i am.
like-thank-you-so-much-my-weird-friend.com! :)

[to everyone else who i know you care]
THANKS!

[edited]

2006-10-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

intensive tuition starts next week.

i'm super tired.
i'm losing focus.
oh gawd!

decided on my room colours.
:)
hopefully it'll turn out as nice as i expect it to be.

YAY!
my photos are up.
remaining people left: tan hin hui and soh weifen!

i dont like haze.
its making me gloomy.

just heard some stories about some of my friends.
i wouldnt consider them my friends exactly.
but nevermind.
i conclude that guys are just bloody jerks.
when will they learn to appreciate the things we do?
out of the many i know,
how many are appreciative and know how to cherish those around them?
c'mon man,
grow up you childish little freaks from mars!

okays. i am tired.
nights.

2006-10-14T02:03:00.000+08:00

okay, you know what.
i dont like you now.
i really dont.
what have i done to deserve this?

i had enough of all you nonsense.
give me a break.

alrights. besides that, i have to say i'm really happy today!
whee!
the moment i came online to blog about all my anger,
szu talked to me and broke the news to me that she's coming back in dec!
omg la. i haven seen her since sec1?
i cant wait to meet up with her.

and then pops up the convo with rach and louis.
and then i discover something new about louis.
he is weird! LOL.
funnily weird.